I would desperately like to recapture the hope and feelings of the existence of something that could be called true love. Not the garbage of pointless lust and desire but honest to God head over heels love.

I know I am recapturing the love I have had before towards the Father...which is breath taking in and of itself. I had let religion cloud my mind and distract me from the fact that beyond this physical realm there is something deeper and more powerful then I could ever dream but at the same time my heart isn't whole, it is vastly incomplete.

I want to be able to desire love when all it feels I can do right now is smile and pretend that the idea of love doesn't scare me. I have always had trouble accepting who I am and where I am but it seems especially difficult now because of past experince.

There needs to be a clean break from myself and this renewal of my existence.

Not who I am or who I could be but becoming what I was destined to be.