Galatians 1:10-12

"Do you think I speak this strongly in order to manipulate crowds? Or curry favor with God? Or get popular applause? If my goal was popularity, I wouldn't bother being Christ's slave. Know this—I am most emphatic here, friends—this great Message I delivered to you is not mere human optimism. I didn't receive it through the traditions, and I wasn't taught it in some school. I got it straight from God, received the Message directly from Jesus Christ."
-Galatians 1:10-12


The question that has to be asked...at one point did it seem like conformity was the right path?

I suppose there is the danger of being so obsessed with avoiding conformity that there is this accidental bastardization that comes about by trying to avoid conformity...

My faith seems so sure...but then is it faith when all certainties are accounted for? I struggle with trusting such a powerful, all consuming God who seems obsessed with the impossible and implausible...because I...am so weak, so weak and tired. Sleep does never refresh me...and I am afraid I am in such a downward spiral.

Abby, Daddy...I am so weak, my health so frail...and these faith rises up in me when I have nothing, nothing left...I am so weak, so exhausted. I do not care about cliches, about the world to come because right now...this very minute, I am hurting, I am so weak...so tired.

"Too weak to wonder,
too tired to care,
Jesus Christ, are you really there?
I've fallen down,
Can't pull myself back up.
I'm going to drown, have mercy,
Have mercy.

I need you now,
Not words or a feeling.
But Jesus Christ,
I've hit the ceiling."

I don't care what they say, what they write...everything is coming to a climax with You as the sole reason for living...even this broken body of mine is Yours for whatever glory it can be given.

Please do not let me reduce you to a series of tests, a formula and loose what it means to have You be my Daddy, my Love, my reason, my being...everything I could ever dare dream to hope to see...to feel...to pray and want to know.

I suppose like Mary...I want...not I need to hide these words in my heart, to feel your love anew each day...I love You, even though I ache and want to scream until I am hoarse. I need You, I need You so much especially when I am hurting so bad and feel so weak...

Please, please, please do not tarry my Love, hurry and rescue me from the limb I got myself stuck on. I blame all on You when so much is my fault...I pass the blame but never the guilt and get myself stuck in cycles...

Thank you, thank you for love...such uncompromising grace and mercy that carries me.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
A million times again and again.
Such beauty, such wonder.
Such terror and such hope.
Jesus Christ,
everything I am
and pressing me to overcome
everything I am not.

"I believe there'll come a day
Maybe it will be tomorrow
When the bluebird flies away
All we have to do is follow
I believe a dream can still come true
Why shouldn't I believe the same in you?

You may say I'm a fool
Feeling the way that I do
I believe in friends and laughter
And the wonders love can do
I believe in songs and magic
And that's why I believe in you

You may say I'm a fool
Feeling this way about you
There's not much I can do
I'm gonna be this way my life through
Because I still believe in miracles
I swear I've seen a few
And the time will surely come
When you can see my point of view
I believe in second chances
And that's why I believe in you"

"I've been in every black hole
At the altar of the dark star
My body's now a begging bowl
That's begging to get back
Begging to get back to my heart
To the rhythm of my soul
To the rhythm of my unconsciousness
To the rhythm that yearns
To be released from control

I was punching in the numbers
At the ATM machine
I could see in the reflection
A face staring back at me
At the moment of surrender
Of vision over visibility
I did not notice the passers-by
And they did not notice me

I was speeding on the subway
Through the stations of the cross
Every eye looking every other way
Counting down 'til the pain will stop

At the moment of surrender
Of vision of over visibility
I did not notice the passers-by
And they did not notice me"

Quote of the Day:

"I want neither a terrorist spirituality that keeps me in a perpetual state of fright about being in right relationship with my heavenly Father nor a sappy spirituality that portrays God as such a benign teddy bear that there is no aberrant behavior or desire of mine that he will not condone. I want a relationship with the Abba (Aramaic for "Daddy") of Jesus, who is infinitely compassionate with my brokenness and at the same time an awesome, incomprehensible, and unwieldy Mystery."
—Brennan Manning