Saturday, October 17, 2009
"Spartan" - Five Iron Frenzy
Billie Holiday on the radio
my sluggish heart is beating seven beats too slow
another sad song and another shot of blue
cold and unconcerned are anything but new
He said “Love endures all things”
and it hurts to think He’s right
If I mark the span of failure
is his burden just as light?
I am, Spartan
close my heart so tight
Jesus
Save me
from myself tonight
Limping through the world
there’s a knowing look or two
is it just the cripples here
who understand the truth?
Why is love so painful
why do we always lose
paving pathways for the lost
the bitter, and recluse?
He said “Love endures all things”
and it hurts to think it’s true
did it nail Him on a cross
did it crucify Him too?
I am, Spartan
close my heart so tight
Jesus
Save me
from myself tonight
The angels are singing over the plains
the shepherds are quaking, echoing refrains
And all of our slogans designed to take away the pain
meant nothing to the Son of God that night in Bethlehem
Encouragement comes in all forms:
Always nice to know someone has already been recognized as the worst writer of all time, saves me the fear of claiming the title for myself.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amanda_McKittrick_Ros
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amanda_McKittrick_Ros
Models, RPG's and Emulators
So the other day I was talking to my online friend who does modeling in Britain and we got onto the subject of Dungeons and Dragons and World of Warcraft. Neither of us knew the other was an aficionado of the pen and paper RPG realm and the ensuing dorky discussion led to her showing me a picture of her giving a high five to a statue of an Orc riding a Wargen (from Lord of the Rings) and that led to me making a playful jab about her being an Orc lover.
Turns out she actually mostly plays male Orc and Blood Elf characters on World of Warcraft. My initial thought was because of wanting to avoid lecherous perverts but it turns out she simply prefers the aesthetics of the male character models.
My mind was blown and I came to a conclusion:
"Not everyone that plays a game does so from the perspective of one who actually plays a role."
Whoa.
As my friend Nichole says "We're roleplayers, most everyone else are gamers." and this is true. When I play a character I strive to be as true to the character as possible. As a test I've been trying to play through one of the dozen or so remakes of Final Fantasy I and I am hating the game because for the most part there is NO story in the game. The most one can say of the story is that it is an exercise in Chaos Theory in how a dozen or so unrelated events could theoretically lead to the destruction of the world.
To be absolutely frank I am shocked the game series has lasted almost fourteen main incarnations and a dozen or so spin off games just going off of the first game. I'm about halfway through the masochistic exercise of trying to finish that game and plan on finishing it but only by having the emmulator speed set a 10X so I can get the pain over sooner.
Turns out she actually mostly plays male Orc and Blood Elf characters on World of Warcraft. My initial thought was because of wanting to avoid lecherous perverts but it turns out she simply prefers the aesthetics of the male character models.
My mind was blown and I came to a conclusion:
"Not everyone that plays a game does so from the perspective of one who actually plays a role."
Whoa.
As my friend Nichole says "We're roleplayers, most everyone else are gamers." and this is true. When I play a character I strive to be as true to the character as possible. As a test I've been trying to play through one of the dozen or so remakes of Final Fantasy I and I am hating the game because for the most part there is NO story in the game. The most one can say of the story is that it is an exercise in Chaos Theory in how a dozen or so unrelated events could theoretically lead to the destruction of the world.
To be absolutely frank I am shocked the game series has lasted almost fourteen main incarnations and a dozen or so spin off games just going off of the first game. I'm about halfway through the masochistic exercise of trying to finish that game and plan on finishing it but only by having the emmulator speed set a 10X so I can get the pain over sooner.
God I hate pictures that remind me of the seemingly infinite grand nature of my failures.
The tears I'm crying feel pointless just like so much of my inescapable destiny when it comes to destroying lives and hurting people.
I'm damned to wander this world with the impossible scope of having to wonder at the very nature of my soul and what it means to cause pain.
If I wanted to express every layer of my doubt...I would ask if I was already dead and stuck in a purgatory I never believed in. It was bad enough having to return home but then to develop the intense feeling of my insides on fire as being the only heat to warm my soul at night...I wonder at my level of sanity and how long before I might find reprieve.
I'm wandering across this vastless wasteland and I do not understand how people have hope, what they are living for. I have the hope of Christ which is the only thing keeping me from ending my life sooner...how do people walk without God loving them and they knowing they were being held up?
I curse the day of my birth as being one of the manifestation of death and the realization that every human is imperfect and I am the crown jewel of that disgusting fact.
I'm a diseased and rotting bag of flesh that holds a soul.
Christ have mercy and end this farce before anymore innocent people are hurt by Your most beloved bastard son.
The tears I'm crying feel pointless just like so much of my inescapable destiny when it comes to destroying lives and hurting people.
I'm damned to wander this world with the impossible scope of having to wonder at the very nature of my soul and what it means to cause pain.
If I wanted to express every layer of my doubt...I would ask if I was already dead and stuck in a purgatory I never believed in. It was bad enough having to return home but then to develop the intense feeling of my insides on fire as being the only heat to warm my soul at night...I wonder at my level of sanity and how long before I might find reprieve.
I'm wandering across this vastless wasteland and I do not understand how people have hope, what they are living for. I have the hope of Christ which is the only thing keeping me from ending my life sooner...how do people walk without God loving them and they knowing they were being held up?
I curse the day of my birth as being one of the manifestation of death and the realization that every human is imperfect and I am the crown jewel of that disgusting fact.
I'm a diseased and rotting bag of flesh that holds a soul.
Christ have mercy and end this farce before anymore innocent people are hurt by Your most beloved bastard son.
Jesus you have a strange sense of humor.
Distance is confusing...are you just screwing with the numbers right now because I'm so tired and am having trouble thinking?
I'm free for lunch tomorrow if you are, if you aren't too busy it would be good to see You for once and get a hug...I won't take up too much time...I just...need help to be able to give help.
Give me the strength I never had.
Distance is confusing...are you just screwing with the numbers right now because I'm so tired and am having trouble thinking?
I'm free for lunch tomorrow if you are, if you aren't too busy it would be good to see You for once and get a hug...I won't take up too much time...I just...need help to be able to give help.
Give me the strength I never had.
Quote of the Day - Part Two:
"How extraordinarily stupid it is to defend Christianity, how little knowledge of humanity it betrays, how it connives if only unconsciously with offence by making Christianity out to be some miserable object that in the end must be rescued by a defence. It is therefore certain and true that the person who first thought of defending Christianity is de facto a Judas No. 2; he too betrays with a kiss, except his treason is that of stupidity. To defend something is always to discredit it."
-Søren Kierkegaard
-Søren Kierkegaard
Quote of the Day:
"Worldly wisdom thinks that love is a relationship between man and man. Christianity teaches that love is a relationship between: man-God-man, that is, that God is the middle term."
-Søren Kierkegaard
-Søren Kierkegaard
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