It's the blood I feel in my veins
as my heart pumps,
the same blood that carried you
and let's me feel the same pain
that defined you.
The balance of being here and there
feeling these manipulations of my heart
that splinter apart in my mind
while daring to hope to redefine
this casting about for a part
It's just me being me
feeling a part of you,
never knowing I was looking
until You found me here.
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Act
I cannot just act.
There must be justification...reasoning behind the action...the purpose leading to the action that will inevitable lead to a reaction.
There has to be a process.
There is a process.
Without there is no meaning in the behavior and actions.
Action and reaction...cause and effect.
God made...things are...the Lamb loves because He is...there is accountability and an accounting...but it is for freedom and love that Christ died...to free us from sin...not so that we could be slaved to ever changing whims of our broken hearts.
Is it possible to be whole?
To regain thoughts?
To feel again?
It's like a wine...some intoxication that pulls at my heart...I feel this ice around my heart melt and warmth flood into my body...I don't deserve it...I can't comprehend it...but it is something so vivid I want to share...I know I was born to share it.
How...and why...
I don't know...so much...I'm trying to understand...I want to...
I'm afraid I'm pushing things I shouldn't...but you know...I haven't slept in a long time and my brain is getting muddled...I'm still incredibly stressed out over crap from yesterday and I need to rest my mind for a couple of hours.
The world may not end soon...it will end too soon...but hopefully not before I wake up and am able to confront this enigmatic thought once more...and strive to understand Love as is...and find a place to be...to act.
God...just help...please.
There must be justification...reasoning behind the action...the purpose leading to the action that will inevitable lead to a reaction.
There has to be a process.
There is a process.
Without there is no meaning in the behavior and actions.
Action and reaction...cause and effect.
God made...things are...the Lamb loves because He is...there is accountability and an accounting...but it is for freedom and love that Christ died...to free us from sin...not so that we could be slaved to ever changing whims of our broken hearts.
Is it possible to be whole?
To regain thoughts?
To feel again?
It's like a wine...some intoxication that pulls at my heart...I feel this ice around my heart melt and warmth flood into my body...I don't deserve it...I can't comprehend it...but it is something so vivid I want to share...I know I was born to share it.
How...and why...
I don't know...so much...I'm trying to understand...I want to...
I'm afraid I'm pushing things I shouldn't...but you know...I haven't slept in a long time and my brain is getting muddled...I'm still incredibly stressed out over crap from yesterday and I need to rest my mind for a couple of hours.
The world may not end soon...it will end too soon...but hopefully not before I wake up and am able to confront this enigmatic thought once more...and strive to understand Love as is...and find a place to be...to act.
God...just help...please.
"The Lamb" - William Blake
Little Lamb, who made thee?
Dost thou know who made thee?
Gave thee life, and bid thee feed,
By the stream and o'er the mead;
Gave thee clothing of delight,
Softest clothing, woolly, bright;
Gave thee such a tender voice,
Making all the vales rejoice?
Little Lamb, who made thee?
Dost thou know who made thee?
Little Lamb, I'll tell thee,
Little Lamb, I'll tell thee.
He is called by thy name,
For He calls Himself a Lamb.
He is meek, and He is mild;
He became a little child.
I a child, and thou a lamb,
We are called by His name.
Little Lamb, God bless thee!
Little Lamb, God bless thee!
Dost thou know who made thee?
Gave thee life, and bid thee feed,
By the stream and o'er the mead;
Gave thee clothing of delight,
Softest clothing, woolly, bright;
Gave thee such a tender voice,
Making all the vales rejoice?
Little Lamb, who made thee?
Dost thou know who made thee?
Little Lamb, I'll tell thee,
Little Lamb, I'll tell thee.
He is called by thy name,
For He calls Himself a Lamb.
He is meek, and He is mild;
He became a little child.
I a child, and thou a lamb,
We are called by His name.
Little Lamb, God bless thee!
Little Lamb, God bless thee!
"Day of Pigs" - Roper
Saturday
I could feet the crowd's dismay
They've acquired quite a fire
to burn the profane on a funeral pyre
Voices shrill
cutting silence like they mean to kill
Some pep rally where we scream His name
like God was loosing in a football game
I don't want to waste His name this time
I will never cast Him to the swine
(Grasping at some feeling you once knew
is nothing sacred ever safe with you?)
Silver tongues
all the spirit of an iron lung
Selling highs as if we needed one
Flash the lights so not be outdone
Counterfeit
wanting joy so much we take a hit
like a tapeworm deep in hunger digs
Waste the sacred just to feed these pigs
I don't want to waste His name this time
I will never cast Him to the swine
(Grasping at some feeling you once knew
is nothing sacred ever safe with you?)
If this is real, then you must find it
between the space of grace and grim
It's nothing you can manufacture
your walls cannot contain Him
"Grace" - U2
Grace, she takes the blame
She covers the shame
Removes the stain
It could be her name
Grace, it's the name for a girl
It's also a thought that could change the world
And when she walks on the street
You can hear the strings
Grace finds goodness in everything
Grace, she's got the walk
Not on a ramp or on chalk
She's got the time to talk
She travels outside of karma, karma
She travels outside of karma
When she goes to work
You can hear the strings
Grace finds beauty in everything
Grace, she carries a world on her hips
No champagne flue for her lips
No twirls or skips between her fingertips
She carries a pearl in perfect condition
What once was hurt
What once was friction
What left a mark no longer stings
Because Grace makes beauty
Out of ugly things
Grace finds beauty in everything
Grace finds goodness in everything
She covers the shame
Removes the stain
It could be her name
Grace, it's the name for a girl
It's also a thought that could change the world
And when she walks on the street
You can hear the strings
Grace finds goodness in everything
Grace, she's got the walk
Not on a ramp or on chalk
She's got the time to talk
She travels outside of karma, karma
She travels outside of karma
When she goes to work
You can hear the strings
Grace finds beauty in everything
Grace, she carries a world on her hips
No champagne flue for her lips
No twirls or skips between her fingertips
She carries a pearl in perfect condition
What once was hurt
What once was friction
What left a mark no longer stings
Because Grace makes beauty
Out of ugly things
Grace finds beauty in everything
Grace finds goodness in everything
It's been a bad feeling afternoon...but...I guess I'm better.
I feel slightly numb from the medication...
Thoughts keep racing...a lot of fear and confusion...I'm praying harder though...if I'm going to go You are going to have to make a way...and I'm only going to get there, wherever there is, by trusting You.
I feel slightly numb from the medication...
Thoughts keep racing...a lot of fear and confusion...I'm praying harder though...if I'm going to go You are going to have to make a way...and I'm only going to get there, wherever there is, by trusting You.
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