Of Muse and Firestone

But a glimpse?
A mere glimpse is that what you speak of?
Such a small token
can only hope to stave
and not satisfy the aching heart.

The heart is both crafty and naive
in its own understanding
of truth and sentiment.
Bound by desire
and encased in soul.

We walk and we talk
and we travel hand in hand
along the watery ways.

Speak again so that I might here
and know what the divine sounds of.
Look upon me with your eyes
and see my tattered soul,
the mere scraps of a life
whose basis is survival.

Take these blistered eyes
and worn hands,
pass your touch on them
bring a renewal,
life,
to this dessert
a wasteland that is my soul.

Let me but gaze once more upon your figure,
to see you in entirety
and gaze into your soul
and I should be content so share with you.

Oh this traverse of the soul looking.
Free me from my prison
and of this cage.
My fear. my doubt and pain.

But a mere glimpse does not provide relief
it merely stirs the soul to recall
and remember you in more vivid details.
Living colors wrapped in words
which you whisper sweet and softly,
the muse and divine creature you are.

Sentiments fall shy of you
and seek to displace truth with a picture
when all I can see is you.
You may see in eyes of the divine
but I can see you when you cannot see me.
While you are bound I am free
with no intention of leaving until
this all burns to dust.

And so on...

Some won't understand my anger...why seeing this pain around me causes me to crumple to the ground in pain. Most do not see what I see...the barren and broken reality and the beautiful potential of grace...as well as the all consuming chasm separating the two.

Why do the people around me have to suffer? If you need someone to hurt...just let it be me. I already feel the fire inside me burning so bad...what is a little more anguish? More pain?

None of this makes sense in anyway that I wish to comprehend.

I hate you almost as much as I love you.
I despise you as much as I need you.

I don't know what it is you want from me...you say love, my heart...well it can't break any further. I feel reduced to the smallest of all possible pieces...I want to breath but I can't. The pain is like a freezing water crushing upon my chest and lungs, squeezing out whatever remains.

I want to believe so badly that love wins, that Jesus, you ARE...but God, it is so pain to see any light because of this darkness.

Doubt in Waves

Just in case you haven't noticed lately...there is an entire world down here that is isolated, desolate and utterly fucked up.

It would be nice to actually feel your love and your peace.

Haven't these people suffered enough?

Do the tears mean anything to you anymore?

Can you even take the time to throw a drowning man a line?

Where is this peace? This peace on earth?

So many times I don't know what to say...what to do or how to act.

I just want to share love and peace when all I have is this broken soul and decaying body.

Can love endure despite humanity?

Here I go...yet again.