"Wub wub."

Oh Irony, Love, Just Irony

I sort of saw this financial problem coming.
The Monsters on my back...distract and distort...

It is hard to see things as they truly are.
What is.
As it were.

I don't need a lot of money or comfort.
As is, my existence each day is a bookend of pain.

Purpose.
Drive.
Battle worth fighting.
Story worth writing.
Allocating and finding these verbs.
Applying.

People employs these verbs as nouns and make career and the money thing.
Not bad.
I have to do that more.
It's just hard to focus on what feels like a trifling thing when there are so many larger unresolved issues.

What good will food and survival do me if I cannot rid myself of these Monsters?
They haunt my waking thoughts and nightmares.
Slithering in shadows they wait watching.

Irony is that the solutions I keep getting heaped into my lap are only half answers.
The number of those pointing out valid and true solutions are few.
Whereas the need to generate and make moves on and on.
Funny how that happens with out without you.

Oie.
Words never quite work when I need them to...

I keep forgetting to forget...

"Come and find me on this floor
I am only a half, truth be told
Take away all the distance and say:
"my beloved, I'm here, and now you are whole"
If I turn and see your eyes in the dark I will know the blue in an instant
Never have they gone so far
Never has your face been distant
My life I will give you like a verse and a ring
I will be your only one
And what you ask of me will be yours until all is said and done

Your heart is a song that I hear Jesus sing
It comes over oceans to me
And the notes spell out messages in vibrant streams
And what's written you show only me

But if you can't close up all the gaps tonight
Put me to bed in your way
You see right through everything I am
For you my insides are displayed
Sing me to sleep my beautiful one
I will love only you for all time
Sing me to sleep my only one
With promises that you are all mine"

Random Inspiration:

Haven't read all this page but what I've looked over it's nice to know I am not insane or alone. That I am not the only one who has trouble turning the world "off" and to stop feeling the pain of others.

I've not been able to vocalize that...but it's like diving head first into water while burning from this world of repressive dead spirituality.

Melodrama much?
Yes.

http://www.squidoo.com/the-empath-next-door

Words.
Words.
Words.

I just cannot get them to come out and form in the exact phrasing...and order I need them in.

Bah.

Busts...here and there.
I feel so hungry...
...but it's stress.
Not actual need for food.
Just for 'something' to do, as it were.

And pain.
And the old monster of depression.

So I can't be lonely.
Too many around.

Another Saturday (Okay Really Friday) Night

I'm not entirely sure if I'm okay with being here.
Not really seeing...things.
Oie.

Loneliness is the soul's discontentment.
And I'm not sure if it is me or the world out of synch.

I suppose, just suppose we shall see...

It's a little cold.

"Silence" - Blindside

Random Thought of the Day:

Would botching a resurrection spell by failing to heal the intended target and instead raise an entire graveyard be considered critically succeeding at critically failing?

Soul rending things.

Wooo.

" Anthem" - Five Iron Frenzy

"Pushing us a drug that you call freedom and democracy
Promise us that selfishness is the means for happiness
I burned that bridge so long ago that I can hardly see
Anything but solace in what freedom means to me
I can't fall anymore For some silver-tongued song
Freedom isn't free So let me say what freedom means to me
It cannot mean to serve ourselves
That doesn't mean a thing
It doesn't mean to give the license
To seek ourselves in anything
That would be slavery to ourselves it isn't free
Jesus Christ, the only thing that freedom means to me." 

I hate, hate, hate this smug feeling of self righteousness...

Quote of the Day:

"I am sorry: sorry you have come in for this burden: sorry about everything. Don't adventures ever have an end? I suppose not. Someone else always has to carry on the story..."
-Bilbo Baggins

Such conflict.
Turmoil.
Things I never wanted.
Dreamed of.
Or had nightmares of what could happen.

As always.

Choice.
Live.
Die.
Fight.
Surrender.

I can either fight to make a future or simply let go and let the story here.
But never, is it so simple.
So much pain.
So much regret.
But so much more hope.
So much to dream of.
To dare to dream.

"You" - Kevin Max

"I ran into your arms like Moses parted water
I ran into your arms like an angel to the father
I ran into your arms like a soul that has departed & u rescued me...

I fell down like the stars, u pick me up so tenderly
And I fell down like the stars, my wings made of clay
And I fell down like the stars, you hold me up so all can see
And u rescued me, oh yes

You, You are the One
You are the One, the only One
‘Cause You are,
You, You are the One
You are the One, You are my God

I stumble like a blind man
Destined to this earth I stray
I stumble like a blind man
No redemption
I stumble like a blind man
With eyes blacked out & a mouth of sand
And you rescued me, oh come on

You, You are the One
You are the One, You are my God
‘Cause You are,
You, You are the One
You are the One, the only One

‘Cause you are,

You are the sky that holds the rain
You are my greater stave
You are the drugs that kill the pain
You are everything, the teacher

I stand before your altar,
Falling strain of Abram’s son
I stand before your altar,
Like a lamb that’s to a slaughter

You, You are the One
You are the One, the Only One
‘Cause You are
You, You are the One
You are the One, the only One
And You are
You, You are the One
You are the One
You are my God
And you are
You, You are the One
You are the One, the only One
‘Cause You are

You wanna call me when I’m wondering with doubt
You wanna call and tell me everything’s alright
I know it’s you and you see everything in me
I know it’s you, It’s you

You are the sky that holds the rain
You are my greater stave
You are the drugs that kill my pain
You are everything, the teacher

You are the sky that holds the rain
You are my greater stave
You are the drugs that kill the pain"

Blessed Deconstruction

Living in,
living doubt.
Daily grind,
dreaming in
wanting, just waiting to punch out.

Pushing here at the artifice,
peddling emotions as a high.
Feeling, and living
in this disconnect of reality.
Pushing on.
Pressing through.
Forward through the shadows and flames.

Tear stained regrets aside
as wings spread out,
not that we fly
but that we ride
falling free
and falling true.

Hand in hand,
choosing the path
and wanderers wondering,
on this path of life
as we stumble onward
feeling
and singing the truth of the heart.

Pushing aside regret,
feeling the pull of wind
and the kiss of God's loving embrace,
as we are enveloped,
these wings carrying us
where we would never dare to tread.

Weird?

Nay.

Bizarre.

Unending bizarreness.

And...things become weirder by the day...

Hi Me.

Nothing in particular.

Just saying hi.

Bah.
Why must fast food be addictive?
Such delightfully unhealthy tastes and convenience.
Oh well, back to the nom of raw vegetables.
Woo.

A week into this new year.
My sinuses still have not recovered...but are almost back to their normal levels of irritated mess.
Silly doctors do not know how to return phone calls.

Plus side for work.
Speaking of work...

*Dataentryninjavanishbomb*

What IS it with you people and slash?
Furthermore, what the HELL is WRONG with you people?
...and slash?

That may be the single greatest reason why I am glad to not be published and there to be so few who know of my characters.

The very thought that someone would take mine...and do that with.
Ick.
Shudder.