Getting to be so tired.
Ack.
Sleepy.

Deadlands, Deadlands, Deadlands, Deadlands...woo!

Deadlands, Deadlands, Deadlands, Deadlands...woo!

Deadlands, Deadlands, Deadlands, Deadlands...woo!

Deadlands, Deadlands, Deadlands, Deadlands...woo!

So much need...so much hurt...where can the healing come from?
Why must you feel so far away?
How can...in what manner may I serve?
To bring the chance for hope and peace for these?

Too many thoughts and too little means of dissimulation...

Fifteen hours of sleep later I am feeling a touch better.

Quote of the Day:

"Christianity is strange: it requires human beings to recognize that they are vile and even abominable, and requires them to want to be like God. Without such a counterweight this elevation would make them execrably vain, or this abasement execrably despicable."
-Blaise Pascal

...

"Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow
Yet I will fear no evil
I have cursed they rod and staff
They no longer comfort me
Love rescue me

I've conquered my past
The future is here at last
I stand at the entrance
To a new world I can see
The ruins to the right of me
Will soon have lost sight of me
Love rescue me"

"Love Rescue Me" - U2

Maybe one day this side of eternity I won't hurt so badly.

How much of this is sincerity and how much preconditioned rambling nonsense I am spouting like a parrot speaking of Homer?

Where is this salvation I claim?
At what point does sincerity overcome my selfishness?

"Despite our selfish selves,
despite all loss of hope,
despite our lack of faith,
despite our stony hearts,
despite the waning moon,
despite the ebbing tide of how we think this world should be.

Praise God from whom all blessings flow,
praise Him all creatures here below,
praise Him above ye heavenly host,
praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost.

Gray rainy day, down in the mud for us.
Don't feel I can sing,
songs to the God in control of the seasons.
But what's good and bad,
flow from the hands,
of the God with the perfect plan.
Filling us with joy, all of this will glorify."

Hope is something I must fight for in order for it to endure.
My faith is so weak...the smallest pain and change in my plan makes me loose courage and seek to find pity and some means of diverting myself from this life.

Quote of the Day:

"Lighthouses don’t go running all over an island looking for boats to save; they just stand there shining."
— Anne Lamott

So many thoughts for so late an hour...so many considerations and so many things.
God...why do I dig holes like this?
I feel...I feel...
The things...the thoughts...the...every...thing...

My soul is rather sad. =/

I...I'm missing...something...

So excited about the potential of Wheaton...

"Where does the misunderstanding come from,
demanding that we be outstanding and then some?
Perfection never was a requirement
although some might say we desired it.
So then for times when things get old I might get cynical
I see that I don't see.
Do they see you when they see me?

In honesty there's room for improvement
Thoughts may change, the truth be told,
A closed mind will leave you empty
Use your mind to use your soul.

Alert the press, their dogmas are a mess,
Opinions shift, a broken sift, an empty hand,
And billboards ask, 'where do they stand.'
Do all streams lead to one sea?"

Quote of the Day:

"Beware you are not a fiery, persecuting enthusiast. Do not imagine that God has called you...to destroy men’s lives, and not to save them. Never dream of forcing men into the ways of God. Think yourself, and let think. Use no constraint in matters of religion. Even those who are farthest out of the way never compel to come in by any other means than reason, truth, and love."
-John Wesley

Reckless pursuit of God.
Abandonment of all...things, others and most importantly of self.
To the point of discomfort and even destruction.
We exist in duality and only through the Divine intervention can we continue and if we do abandon everything...we will be destroyed but not before our time.

And not as needless martyrs but as ones given over to fervent love...the only thing that can change the world in a positive manner.

I need the influence of others who feels this way...that by giving over to this 'insanity' that it is the best way. I'm tired of being around halfhearted Christians...we're all going to die and this body is going to be destroyed before it is made perfect...so why even try to deny and delay the inevitable?

I need to know others like this...ideally be around them...I'm not entirely sure they exsist but I will find them as needed.

Comfort is a luxury I cannot afford.

Companionship is only a luxury, if Jesus was abandoned, forsaken and despised for following will of His Father, under what pretense and delusion do I keep that I will not be treated the same for following my convictions to their utter end?

Being perfect is a state of being impossible for a broken and fallen human being...but it is still something I strive for, I fight for...and ultimately something something I will end up dying for...such fatal thinking.

Quote of the Day:

"Our tendency in the midst of suffering is to turn on God. To get angry and bitter and shake our fist at the sky and say, "God, you don't know what it's like! You don't understand! You have no idea what I'm going through. You don't have a clue how much this hurts."

The cross is God's way of taking away all of our accusations, excuses, and arguments.

The cross is God taking on flesh and blood and saying, "Me too.""
— Rob Bell

Ack!
Can't focus on paper >_<


Oie.