Sunday, August 2, 2009

I hate saying goodbye...still haven't got it all through my head that it, that the virtual mechanics are dead...that the world has just dissipated into digital code...

Saturday, August 1, 2009

I have dreamed a dream and that dream is now gone from me...

Friday, July 31, 2009

Love...such a funny hypochondriac filled word.
Argh!


Stuff!


Explosion!


I missed the Assassin dying again in MXO. On top of other dramas.

Drama.

Blergh.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

I HATE Itunes.

Die Apple die.
My love life is masochistic...even in my dreams...

Monday, July 27, 2009

Phasing in and out of existence at this point...

Jonah 3:3

"This time Jonah started off straight for Nineveh, obeying God's orders to the letter."


How is this one verse...becoming so important...so quickly?
"It’s not if I believe in love
But if love believes in me
Oh, believe in me

At the moment of surrender
I folded to my knees
I did not notice the passers-by
And they did not notice me."
It's stupid to miss you as much as I might...but I do...I do...
Hearing from beyond the sea walls?

Or too pretentious...
Escape...and why?
Why not?

Oh...

Dreams...no.

No.

No.

Not more.

Not again.

Go away.

Far, far away.

Is it too much to ask for freedom from this weight...this pain?

Sunday, July 26, 2009

"Out of Control" - U2

...I can't believe I forgot to post this year's birthday song...


It's A Wonder Why...

The music...keeps drawing memories out...siphoning out thoughts...taking form only in dreams...strange disheartening visions, more nightmares than escapist fair.

Where is this going?
Why are you still here?
Why must you, damnable specter of the past, haunt me still?
Did you not do enough damage in the first act of my life?
Must you haunt these grounds still tonight?

Such a lofty moniker you still wish to claim.
Father?
I think not.
Biological consequence alone does not equip one for such a task.
I keep getting told to write to you...consider this a first entry.
Not much to say because the task is rather...large.
But then again...here we are.
It's a wonder why, it's a curiosity...

I want to see through the looking glass, so desperately. I want to see beyond it but the damn thing is fogging up with my breath and I see nothing but pale shadows creeping closer behind me.


I'm feeling quite...uncomfortably numb...

Saturday, July 25, 2009

I hate logging into MXO.

It's just so...empty.

*sigh*
I feel like I crashed into a metaphorical wall which also happened to be made of real bricks.

While Wilco was playing in the background too.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

More Jonah Notes:

Jonah 2:1-10

Prayer of Jonah while inside the big fish. Contrast with Jesus' prayer in the garden of Gethsemane (Matthew 26:31-46 Mark 14:32-42, Luke 22:39-53, John 17:1-26)

Content of prayer similar to Psalm 40


Jonah 3:1-10
v.1-2 The second time God spoke. Apparently the fish was a subtle hint to Jonah. Exact same commands, exact same words dictating Jonah to go to Nineveh.

-What levels of irony exist that the 'fish' would be a symbol of early Christians? Drawn in the dirt for believers to see and know things were safe?

v.3- Jonah obeyed to the letter...Nineveh was big enough to take three days to travel...how many miles would that be?

v.4 - Jonah's message was simple and just proclaimed destruction. There was no exhortation to repent, no salvation message...no acknowledgment that there would even be a means to avoid the destruction. It was pure fire and brimstone.

v.5 - A city wide fast was held, people believed that God cared, cared about them and wanting repentance

Jonah 4:1-11

John 15

"I am the Real Vine and my Father is the Farmer. He cuts off every branch of me that doesn't bear grapes. And every branch that is grape-bearing he prunes back so it will bear even more. You are already pruned back by the message I have spoken.

"Live in me. Make your home in me just as I do in you. In the same way that a branch can't bear grapes by itself but only by being joined to the vine, you can't bear fruit unless you are joined with me.

"I am the Vine, you are the branches. When you're joined with me and I with you, the relation intimate and organic, the harvest is sure to be abundant. Separated, you can't produce a thing. Anyone who separates from me is deadwood, gathered up and thrown on the bonfire. But if you make yourselves at home with me and my words are at home in you, you can be sure that whatever you ask will be listened to and acted upon. This is how my Father shows who he is—when you produce grapes, when you mature as my disciples.

"I've loved you the way my Father has loved me. Make yourselves at home in my love. If you keep my commands, you'll remain intimately at home in my love. That's what I've done—kept my Father's commands and made myself at home in his love.

"I've told you these things for a purpose: that my joy might be your joy, and your joy wholly mature. This is my command: Love one another the way I loved you. This is the very best way to love. Put your life on the line for your friends. You are my friends when you do the things I command you. I'm no longer calling you servants because servants don't understand what their master is thinking and planning. No, I've named you friends because I've let you in on everything I've heard from the Father.

"You didn't choose me, remember; I chose you, and put you in the world to bear fruit, fruit that won't spoil. As fruit bearers, whatever you ask the Father in relation to me, he gives you.

"But remember the root command: Love one another.

"If you find the godless world is hating you, remember it got its start hating me. If you lived on the world's terms, the world would love you as one of its own. But since I picked you to live on God's terms and no longer on the world's terms, the world is going to hate you.

"When that happens, remember this: Servants don't get better treatment than their masters. If they beat on me, they will certainly beat on you. If they did what I told them, they will do what you tell them.

"They are going to do all these things to you because of the way they treated me, because they don't know the One who sent me. If I hadn't come and told them all this in plain language, it wouldn't be so bad. As it is, they have no excuse. Hate me, hate my Father—it's all the same. If I hadn't done what I have done among them, works no one has ever done, they wouldn't be to blame. But they saw the God-signs and hated anyway, both me and my Father. Interesting—they have verified the truth of their own Scriptures where it is written, 'They hated me for no good reason.'

"When the Friend I plan to send you from the Father comes—the Spirit of Truth issuing from the Father—he will confirm everything about me. You, too, from your side must give your confirming evidence, since you are in this with me from the start."
I've got everything and nothing to say...so many thoughts.
I want in and out...all at the same time.
I want to be carried and I want to run at the same time.
You know what may be going on but I don't, I don't.
```````````````

Just a thought...

Would it be possible to do the lyrical styling of Bob Dylan meets the musical scope of Nine Inch Nails?

Any takers?

Anyone?

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

And...here we are.

"Out of Control" - U2

Monday morning
Eighteen years of dawning
I said how long
Said how long

It was one dull morning
I woke the world with bawling
I was so sad
They were so glad

I was of the feeling
It was out of control
I had the opinion it was
Out of control

Boys and girls
Go to school, and girls
They make children
Not like this one

I was of the feeling
I was out of control
I had the opinion it was
Out of control

I'm out of control
You say
Out of control
I'm out of control
Out of control
Out of control
Out of control

I fought fate
There's blood at the garden gate
The man said childhood
It's in his childhood

One day I'll die
The choice will not be mine
Will it be too late
You can't fight fate

I was of the feeling
It was out of control
I had the opinion
It was out of control