1-2 One day long ago, God's Word came to Jonah, Amittai's son: "Up on your feet and on your way to the big city of Nineveh! Preach to them. They're in a bad way and I can't ignore it any longer." 3 But Jonah got up and went the other direction to Tarshish, running away from God. He went down to the port of Joppa and found a ship headed for Tarshish. He paid the fare and went on board, joining those going to Tarshish—as far away from God as he could get.
4-6 But God sent a huge storm at sea, the waves towering.
The ship was about to break into pieces. The sailors were terrified. They called out in desperation to their gods. They threw everything they were carrying overboard to lighten the ship. Meanwhile, Jonah had gone down into the hold of the ship to take a nap. He was sound asleep. The captain came to him and said, "What's this? Sleeping! Get up! Pray to your god! Maybe your god will see we're in trouble and rescue us."
7 Then the sailors said to one another, "Let's get to the bottom of this. Let's draw straws to identify the culprit on this ship who's responsible for this disaster."
So they drew straws. Jonah got the short straw.
8 Then they grilled him: "Confess. Why this disaster? What is your work? Where do you come from? What country? What family?"
9 He told them, "I'm a Hebrew. I worship God, the God of heaven who made sea and land."
10 At that, the men were frightened, really frightened, and said, "What on earth have you done!" As Jonah talked, the sailors realized that he was running away from God.
11 They said to him, "What are we going to do with you—to get rid of this storm?" By this time the sea was wild, totally out of control.
12 Jonah said, "Throw me overboard, into the sea. Then the storm will stop. It's all my fault. I'm the cause of the storm. Get rid of me and you'll get rid of the storm."
13 But no. The men tried rowing back to shore. They made no headway. The storm only got worse and worse, wild and raging.
14 Then they prayed to God, "O God! Don't let us drown because of this man's life, and don't blame us for his death. You are God. Do what you think is best."
15 They took Jonah and threw him overboard. Immediately the sea was quieted down.
16 The sailors were impressed, no longer terrified by the sea, but in awe of God. They worshiped God, offered a sacrifice, and made vows.
17 Then God assigned a huge fish to swallow Jonah. Jonah was in the fish's belly three days and nights.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Degenerative Heart
The words are write...these things aren't right, they are mere perceptions hiding in the realm of smoke and mirrors.
I hate what I have become.
I need to cut the cancer out but I'm afraid it'll take my heart.
If I could I would run away from this place, from everyone I have even known and go into exile. Find a desert cave and pray for death. Looking in the mirror and seeing how false, how fake I am when I claim to carry and champion Truth...I don't know if it's the disease but I just want to vomit.
This is going to take some serious thought...serious...so serious...
I hate what I have become.
I need to cut the cancer out but I'm afraid it'll take my heart.
If I could I would run away from this place, from everyone I have even known and go into exile. Find a desert cave and pray for death. Looking in the mirror and seeing how false, how fake I am when I claim to carry and champion Truth...I don't know if it's the disease but I just want to vomit.
This is going to take some serious thought...serious...so serious...
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
I used to have such qualms about the whole doctrine of total depravity...but more and more each day do I see this living death running through my veins...like all the years of my life are just pushing down on me.
I hate these feelings...it's like...I breath and exhale toxin...the Love isn't based on who I should be but who I am...so why do I find it so hard to just accept it? Why do I have to live and die based upon my performances?
I'm so sick.
Sick of the lies and false parables,
bile rushing from my heart.
Such superfluous, such archaic, such viable vile things revolve around...giving birth to lies...fables...myths of self security...lies that everything will regain its status quo like nature...sick, so sick, so very sick.
It is cutting deep, so deep and red.
I hate these feelings...it's like...I breath and exhale toxin...the Love isn't based on who I should be but who I am...so why do I find it so hard to just accept it? Why do I have to live and die based upon my performances?
I'm so sick.
Sick of the lies and false parables,
bile rushing from my heart.
Such superfluous, such archaic, such viable vile things revolve around...giving birth to lies...fables...myths of self security...lies that everything will regain its status quo like nature...sick, so sick, so very sick.
It is cutting deep, so deep and red.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
"Sure Shot" - The OC Supertones
I wanna do the right thing.
I wanna be the sure shot.
I wanna have my mind straight.
I wanna have my point got.
I wanna be a good man,
I wanna have my act down.
I wanna be the future
and I wanna be right now.
Sometimes I feel
like I can change the world.
But I don't know where to start.
I dig and come up empty,
clutching an empty heart.
I wanna see a life change.
I wanna see a new man.
I wanna fight the good fight.
I wanna take the right stand.
I wanna be like Jesus.
I wanna pour my heart out.
I wanna pick my cross up.
I wanna hear the mob shout.
I'm wide awake
and thinking about the cross,
the Trinity apart.
I dig and come up empty,
clutching an empty heart.
I wanna be the sure shot.
I wanna have my mind straight.
I wanna have my point got.
I wanna be a good man,
I wanna have my act down.
I wanna be the future
and I wanna be right now.
Sometimes I feel
like I can change the world.
But I don't know where to start.
I dig and come up empty,
clutching an empty heart.
I wanna see a life change.
I wanna see a new man.
I wanna fight the good fight.
I wanna take the right stand.
I wanna be like Jesus.
I wanna pour my heart out.
I wanna pick my cross up.
I wanna hear the mob shout.
I'm wide awake
and thinking about the cross,
the Trinity apart.
I dig and come up empty,
clutching an empty heart.
"Unknown" - The O.C. Supertones
Killin' ourselves faster than fast
Livin' in the future, livin' in the past
I haven't always been in Christ
I know what you're goin' through, man
A couple of years ago I was just like you
Lookin' for answers, but lookin' to myself
Thinkin' that Christians just love Jesus for their health
But, I didn't know about Jesus
I tried to be like God, but when I tried I failed
And every time I fail, and fail
I know I rail a nail straight into the cross of Jesus
Straight into the wrist of Jesus
And now it's 1996, a hard year to be a Godly man
It seems the more I speak The Word, the less they understand
You gotta know about Jesus
Livin' in the future, livin' in the past
I haven't always been in Christ
I know what you're goin' through, man
A couple of years ago I was just like you
Lookin' for answers, but lookin' to myself
Thinkin' that Christians just love Jesus for their health
But, I didn't know about Jesus
I tried to be like God, but when I tried I failed
And every time I fail, and fail
I know I rail a nail straight into the cross of Jesus
Straight into the wrist of Jesus
And now it's 1996, a hard year to be a Godly man
It seems the more I speak The Word, the less they understand
You gotta know about Jesus
Monday, June 22, 2009
Solidarity, Bloodshed, and Iranian Tears of Rage
I just saw a stranger be shot and killed on the news.
A young Iranian lady.
For speaking her mind.
A part of me is infinitely filled with rage over such stupid and needless violence. What part of Hell does someone have to be filled with that they get their jollies by repressing, censoring and killing their own people?
I'm sick to my stomach with sympathy for the people in Iran.
They are standing for their rights just like the kids at Tiananmen Square did.
Like those who were a part of the solidarity movement in Poland.
Like most Americans I do not know a lot about Iranian politics and I'm trying to educate myself...and so I've been following blogs, twitter accounts and the news networks. There has been a rage bubbling and it is on the verge of exploding into something deadly. People are already dead and it seems one way or the other more blood will be spilled.
I can't endorse violence for any reason. The Jesus I follow teaches to turn the other cheek and to love your enemy to the point of death. It is not easy but fighting violence with violence only gives them fuel for their fires of evil.
I know someone somewhere is thinking "Gee Matthew, calm down. You can't do anything, just pray about it and do something else."
I cannot and will not just calm down.
This goes beyond something as simple principle, it goes beyond mere obligation...it is the duty and responsibility of anyone claiming the title of Christian to scream at the top of their lungs when they see injustice like this.
Evil prevails only because we are too lazy, too scared and too apathetic to give a damn about anyone besides ourselves.
But this isn't about me, my anger issues, any attack on a group of Christians...it is me throwing my voice in with a growing group of those exhausted of this duplicitous life.
I'm a Christian, some sort of slightly bearded vagabond minister with a lot of fears and failures under my belt. I feel one of my biggest problems (coincidentally shared with most every human being) is that of dealing with the monster of self. The part of our souls that demand instant gratification, that demands we take the front seat in the life boat of life, the hunger and desire to satisfy at the cost of others...this sick nature that the best title I've found is the "sinful nature" of man.
I hate religious cliches like the plague but that is the best label I have found for it and most important it that it is true. It's this nature that bogs me down with stupid things like games, music, caffeine, sugar, lust, impatience, pain killers and whatever else I can get myself addicted to. The race in the American life is to see who can numb out the fastest for the longest time.
If someone is actually serious about this whole Jesus thing then this is inexcusable. This apathy is what drives me absolutely insane about the American church...but at the end of the day I do the exact same thing. We're comfortably numb and are going to be held accountable for our inaction over so much social injustice.
There was a point in the New Testament when the religious scholars, their literary lawyers that knew the Law of Moses, met together to talk. These Law spewing egotists were upset because some ragtag uncertificated Rabbi by the name of Jesus was gathering a large following. From time to time these leaders would make some effort where they would try to trick Jesus into saying something blasphemous so they could stone Him on the spot.
The following quotation is from the middle of one of those debates:
"When the Pharisees heard how he had bested the Sadducees, they gathered their forces for an assault. One of their religion scholars spoke for them, posing a question they hoped would show him up: "Teacher, which command in God's Law is the most important?"
Jesus said, "'Love the Lord your God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence.' This is the most important, the first on any list. But there is a second to set alongside it: 'Love others as well as you love yourself.' These two commands are pegs; everything in God's Law and the Prophets hangs from them.""
-Matthew 22:34-40
I find it ironic that the most concise summation of the entire purpose of God, Jesus, the Bible and life in general was given to the most educatied men of the day and they just huffed and puffed over it...as if showing love was this conditional and quantifiable substance that was to be held back from 'sinners' and other bad people. As if it is too much effort for me to show sympathy towards drunks, drug addicts, sex addicts, those of other religions and learning how to forgive myself. As if I don't love others as much as I love to love myself.
This is such a struggle for me.
What do I do with this?
Fast and prayer for the Iranian's suffering. Sending emails to encourage those I've met online. Being open to wherever the call is leading. Having an invisible best friend who also happens to the creator of the Cosmos does come with a few good perks. Chief of those being faith, hope and love; love being the chief quality that ties all of these together and binds our hearts to one another.
So...another prayer for you Iran.
For the persecuted Church worldwide.
For the sex addicts, perverts rejected by both society and church.
For the woman selling her body to feed her children.
For those suffering with cancer and aids.
For us to get up off our knees.
For the need for peace.
Dear Jesus, we need this peace.
Please.
A young Iranian lady.
For speaking her mind.
A part of me is infinitely filled with rage over such stupid and needless violence. What part of Hell does someone have to be filled with that they get their jollies by repressing, censoring and killing their own people?
I'm sick to my stomach with sympathy for the people in Iran.
They are standing for their rights just like the kids at Tiananmen Square did.
Like those who were a part of the solidarity movement in Poland.
Like most Americans I do not know a lot about Iranian politics and I'm trying to educate myself...and so I've been following blogs, twitter accounts and the news networks. There has been a rage bubbling and it is on the verge of exploding into something deadly. People are already dead and it seems one way or the other more blood will be spilled.
I can't endorse violence for any reason. The Jesus I follow teaches to turn the other cheek and to love your enemy to the point of death. It is not easy but fighting violence with violence only gives them fuel for their fires of evil.
I know someone somewhere is thinking "Gee Matthew, calm down. You can't do anything, just pray about it and do something else."
I cannot and will not just calm down.
This goes beyond something as simple principle, it goes beyond mere obligation...it is the duty and responsibility of anyone claiming the title of Christian to scream at the top of their lungs when they see injustice like this.
Evil prevails only because we are too lazy, too scared and too apathetic to give a damn about anyone besides ourselves.
But this isn't about me, my anger issues, any attack on a group of Christians...it is me throwing my voice in with a growing group of those exhausted of this duplicitous life.
I'm a Christian, some sort of slightly bearded vagabond minister with a lot of fears and failures under my belt. I feel one of my biggest problems (coincidentally shared with most every human being) is that of dealing with the monster of self. The part of our souls that demand instant gratification, that demands we take the front seat in the life boat of life, the hunger and desire to satisfy at the cost of others...this sick nature that the best title I've found is the "sinful nature" of man.
I hate religious cliches like the plague but that is the best label I have found for it and most important it that it is true. It's this nature that bogs me down with stupid things like games, music, caffeine, sugar, lust, impatience, pain killers and whatever else I can get myself addicted to. The race in the American life is to see who can numb out the fastest for the longest time.
If someone is actually serious about this whole Jesus thing then this is inexcusable. This apathy is what drives me absolutely insane about the American church...but at the end of the day I do the exact same thing. We're comfortably numb and are going to be held accountable for our inaction over so much social injustice.
There was a point in the New Testament when the religious scholars, their literary lawyers that knew the Law of Moses, met together to talk. These Law spewing egotists were upset because some ragtag uncertificated Rabbi by the name of Jesus was gathering a large following. From time to time these leaders would make some effort where they would try to trick Jesus into saying something blasphemous so they could stone Him on the spot.
The following quotation is from the middle of one of those debates:
"When the Pharisees heard how he had bested the Sadducees, they gathered their forces for an assault. One of their religion scholars spoke for them, posing a question they hoped would show him up: "Teacher, which command in God's Law is the most important?"
Jesus said, "'Love the Lord your God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence.' This is the most important, the first on any list. But there is a second to set alongside it: 'Love others as well as you love yourself.' These two commands are pegs; everything in God's Law and the Prophets hangs from them.""
-Matthew 22:34-40
I find it ironic that the most concise summation of the entire purpose of God, Jesus, the Bible and life in general was given to the most educatied men of the day and they just huffed and puffed over it...as if showing love was this conditional and quantifiable substance that was to be held back from 'sinners' and other bad people. As if it is too much effort for me to show sympathy towards drunks, drug addicts, sex addicts, those of other religions and learning how to forgive myself. As if I don't love others as much as I love to love myself.
This is such a struggle for me.
What do I do with this?
Fast and prayer for the Iranian's suffering. Sending emails to encourage those I've met online. Being open to wherever the call is leading. Having an invisible best friend who also happens to the creator of the Cosmos does come with a few good perks. Chief of those being faith, hope and love; love being the chief quality that ties all of these together and binds our hearts to one another.
So...another prayer for you Iran.
For the persecuted Church worldwide.
For the sex addicts, perverts rejected by both society and church.
For the woman selling her body to feed her children.
For those suffering with cancer and aids.
For us to get up off our knees.
For the need for peace.
Dear Jesus, we need this peace.
Please.
"While The Nations Rage" - Rich Mullins
"Jesus said whatever you do to the least of these my brothers you’ve done it to me. And this is what I’ve come to think. That if I want to identify fully with Jesus Christ, who I claim to be my savior and Lord, the best way that I can do that is to identify with the poor. This I know will go against the teachings of all the popular evangelical preachers. But they’re just wrong. They’re not bad, they’re just wrong. Christianity is not about building an absolutely secure little niche in the world where you can live with your perfect little wife and your perfect little children in a beautiful little house where you have no gays or minority groups anywhere near you. Christianity is about learning to love like Jesus loved and Jesus loved the poor and Jesus loved the broken."
-Rich Mullins
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Purple Irises
I'm not even sure why or how but I'm here.
I hate this day.
I mean, I hate the majority of the holidays but this one I loathe especially.
Earlier on the TV I heard a lady speaking about how it is hard for some people to believe God is good because they have had terrible fathers, I find the opposite to be true: God is so good that I can't picture any human male being able to supply love that could echo of something so grand.
I feel like I am running to just keep still, to be able to stand in one place...no time to breath or rest...I relive the memories at a hundred miles per hour...the images ripping through my mind and my eyes...stealing my breath and ripping what remains of my heart.
This is...it makes it hard for me to pray.
I can't think.
I can't breath.
I need to know you love me, I need to know I am not just the sum total of a vastly improbable mathematical equation...I need what I can't give myself...what no one else I can...I need to know you are proud of me, I need to know you love me.
If you can't love me how could I ever begin to love myself?
I look in the mirror and see the villian that has done nothing but cause pain these twenty plus years...and where are you?
I see the shadow of you...the merest flecks of gold...just on the edge of my vision...these lost thoughts and memories...pricking my veins like a drug...a narcotic I'm addicted to...the only salvation is in your eyes, the love I never knew and never will.
I hate this day.
I mean, I hate the majority of the holidays but this one I loathe especially.
Earlier on the TV I heard a lady speaking about how it is hard for some people to believe God is good because they have had terrible fathers, I find the opposite to be true: God is so good that I can't picture any human male being able to supply love that could echo of something so grand.
I feel like I am running to just keep still, to be able to stand in one place...no time to breath or rest...I relive the memories at a hundred miles per hour...the images ripping through my mind and my eyes...stealing my breath and ripping what remains of my heart.
This is...it makes it hard for me to pray.
I can't think.
I can't breath.
I need to know you love me, I need to know I am not just the sum total of a vastly improbable mathematical equation...I need what I can't give myself...what no one else I can...I need to know you are proud of me, I need to know you love me.
If you can't love me how could I ever begin to love myself?
I look in the mirror and see the villian that has done nothing but cause pain these twenty plus years...and where are you?
I see the shadow of you...the merest flecks of gold...just on the edge of my vision...these lost thoughts and memories...pricking my veins like a drug...a narcotic I'm addicted to...the only salvation is in your eyes, the love I never knew and never will.
Saturday, June 20, 2009
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