I miss a dream in which there was muse.

Red

Loosing my soul,
loosing my mind.
Everything I had
is just this pile of ash.
Nothing more and nevermore,
let this soul burn free
and simply explode.

Into your mind,
behind your eyes
pressing deep
not letting your heart beat skip
just long enough to see
and feel once again.

"Space Robot 5" - Brave Saint Saturn

So far, so good, or so they say from mission control,
The deep of space is no place for a fragile human soul.
The rockets burn as servos click and turn,
and fall into their place.
Robots can't cry,
don't laugh,
can't die,
In the darkness of space.
He is strong, made of steel with the graphite lining,
Watch his eyes flicker slow like the batteries are dying.

Space Robot 5,
Is he alive?
So very alone,
So far from home.

Three strands of wire,
Threefold the tie that binds.
She is the one thing on the earth for which he still pines.
To his heart she was life,
So he prays to his Maker with a sigh,
As his fire sputters out,
Because robots never cry.

Space Robot 5,
Is he alive?
So very alone,
So far from home.

"No reason to get excited, the thief kindly spoke..."

Another morning...another day.

Annoying ticking that never ceases.

It was nice to be somewhere this morning and to feel apart of something outside of myself...I guess it's because we have this silly notion of the need of utter self sufficiency...when no one can make it own their own.

Just another sad song in an endless stack of tired ballads that Dylan wouldn't even touch.

What is this longing?
Deeper than life?
Hotter than flame?

Merest inklings of another world pressing deep and in such an uncomfortable way that it sets people on the defensive...and that is when it is when thoughts concern it are properly executed.

People speak of the infinite in such finite terms that they do not begin to grasp what the think they are sensing. I am no different from my predecessors who were nothing more than stumbling blocks preventing people from knowing that Veritas, that ἀλήθεια is truly You.

Everything and nothing...summarized in such a way that it underscore the beautiful horror.

Absolutes so vivid that they reduce human based understanding to the base animalistic core that everyone is content to reside at.



"What then is truth? A movable host of metaphors, metonymies, and; anthropomorphisms: in short, a sum of human relations which have been poetically and rhetorically intensified, transferred, and embellished, and which, after long usage, seem to a people to be fixed, canonical, and binding."
-Friedrich Nietzsche



"I am made of parts that freeze and ligaments that atrophy
Though they look they’ll never see
They don’t know something’s wrong with me
And just as well, I’ll never tell what’s underneath the scales
I’ve worn to thin to honor you, my every effort fails
So bury me with Israel and cover up my tracks
Leave not a trace of what I was, I’m never coming back
And if you’re mercy falls upon he whose blood is cold
Unearth me with your hands of love and never break your hold"
-Showbread

Good morning soul.

Not having anyone close by...it's starting to feel...a bit like college again...

That was an unexpected fourteen hour nap.

Ah blargh.

It would be unexpectedly nice if I didn't feel like this was...about to be...it...the snap, the last one...


Vivid nightmares bleeding into daytime landscapes.
Blurring the edge long enough for it to slip in
and feeling it rend my heart.

So physically sick...that...did not help...things...

Twitch.

Why?

It never gets old unless you are that one.

But saying so isn't considered polite.

Words cannot describe this...rage...these feelings...this unrest...my unraveling...

I hate life and wish it was possible to will myself elsewhere...or at least dead.

Or just a bottle of aspirin.

That was a slight disappointment.

Away to band practice!!!

I feel so much like thawed out death.

Jesus...any kind of help...please?

I want to quit.

So much.

I must wonder...what am I getting myself into?

Time, Time Again

Just hearing this song...reminds me of you.
That lovely spring day.
Driving.
Feeling life is a bore
against the smell of the ocean.
Cries of gulls.
The future looming ahead,
reality knocking on the door.
Life living in full motion
while remembering every moment,
just a thought ahead
and a moment I'll hold.

"Age of Reptiles/Insects" - Showbread

I am made of parts that freeze and ligaments that atrophy
Though they look they'll never see
They don't know something's wrong with me
And just as well, I'll never tell what's underneath the scales
I've worn to thin to honor you, my every effort fails
Bury me with Israel and cover up my tracks
Leave not a trace of what I was, I'm never coming back
And if you're mercy falls upon he whose blood is cold
Unearth me with your hands of love and never break your hold

The world is full of ones like me
Who need to see the truth
But the truth is never truth indeed
The truth is only you

Jesus bless the crocodiles, forgive the cobras and all the snakes
Open up your arms to carry all of our mistakes
Suck the venom from every bite and vomit every drop
Some of us may bite your hand but some of us will not
And every knee will bow before you, each forked tongue confess
My selfishness will rot in me and I will seek your rest
Still some lizards flee from you, ashamed of all they've been
So Jesus take myself from me, never bring it back again

The world is full of ones like me
Who need to see the truth
But the truth is never truth indeed
The truth is only you

The world is full of ones like me, who need to see the truth
But the truth is never truth indeed, the truth is only you
The world will soon become extinct, the age will pass away
And all will know that you are God, hallowed be your name

Jesus bless the crocodiles, forgive the cobras and all the snakes
Open up your arms to carry all of our mistakes
Forgive the basilisk, forgive the moccasins and adders too
Have mercy on each alligator that never lived for you
I myself hatched from an egg, no white light from above
Just another ancient serpent that never earned your love
But still you find me underneath the rocks and in the ground
I cowered there just short of air and never made a sound
It's true that I'm in love with you, and even in my shame
You wipe away the imperfections and take away the pain
You wrap your loving arms around this wretched thing called me
Your love is all I'll ever need, your love has set me free

The truth is only you.

I walk the world on insect legs beneath an unforgiving sun
Eat the dirt throughout my days On the dirt and dirt I come undone
Messiah born in Bethlehem won't find me lying there
The world's too big for him to see me or hear the things I've said
Hold me to you as I pray, Take the rest of the world away
My blood runs warm because of you, The scales fall out of my eyes
I laughed in the keep of a man with a rose my mandibles are caked in trash
Thought you wouldn't recognize me, in the black of soot and ash
Don't turn deaf to my voice, but one thing I want you to know:
I have always loved you though my life has never said so
Hold me to you as I pray, Take the rest of the world away
My blood runs warm because of you, The scales fall out of my eyes
Hold me to you as I pray, Take every other thing away
My heart is breaking out for you, The scales are out of my eyes

I love you Lord, and I lift my voice
To worship you, Oh, my soul rejoice
Take joy my King in what you hear
May it be a sweet, sweet sound in your ear

Never Words Enough

Withered lungs carry this thoughts,
as they float aloft
carried by these air streams,
poisoned by ego and selfishness.
Every last thought
in these twenty years
are marked only by blood
and the words of one
who murdered Love,
the one who carried out the death.

"Gloria" - U2