I hate dreams.

Stop being so vivid already.

I don't want to care.

God I'm going to have a freaking aneurysm before this is all done and said.

"The Beginning" - Showbread

"The Lamb" - William Blake

Little Lamb, who made thee?
Dost thou know who made thee?
Gave thee life, and bid thee feed,
By the stream and o'er the mead;
Gave thee clothing of delight,
Softest clothing, woolly, bright;
Gave thee such a tender voice,
Making all the vales rejoice?
Little Lamb, who made thee?
Dost thou know who made thee?

Little Lamb, I'll tell thee,
Little Lamb, I'll tell thee.
He is called by thy name,
For He calls Himself a Lamb.
He is meek, and He is mild;
He became a little child.
I a child, and thou a lamb,
We are called by His name.
Little Lamb, God bless thee!
Little Lamb, God bless thee!

"The Tyger" - William Blake

Tyger! Tyger! burning bright
In the forests of the night,
What immortal hand or eye
Could frame thy fearful symmetry?

In what distant deeps or skies
Burnt the fire of thine eyes?
On what wings dare he aspire?
What the hand dare sieze the fire?

And what shoulder, & what art.
Could twist the sinews of thy heart?
And when thy heart began to beat,
What dread hand? & what dread feet?

What the hammer? what the chain?
In what furnace was thy brain?
What the anvil? what dread grasp
Dare its deadly terrors clasp?

When the stars threw down their spears,
And watered heaven with their tears,
Did he smile his work to see?
Did he who made the Lamb make thee?

Tyger! Tyger! burning bright
In the forests of the night,
What immortal hand or eye
Dare frame thy fearful symmetry?

"The Death" - Showbread

Why?
Why?
I hate this place.
I'm spinning out of control.
Just end this now please.
All of it.

Frequently More

You can send the rain to wash away the dirt, wash away the stains but Jesus could you wash away my pain?

You can send the rain but think of me first and see how I'm drowning.

All day, every day I hear of the pain.
I see it in their eyes
and hear it in their voices.
Could you turn and see,
see the ones in need of You?
You speak of freedom of choice,
the right to be
but God,
what of the pain?
There is no Heaven here,
not even water.
Just wastelands posing as life
trite and with no compassion.

I can't carry my pain any further
and all I do is reap destruction
because of what I've sown.
Good intentions and negligence
are just trite metaphors
seeking to explain why I broke it,
when there is no excuse,
nothing I can do to justify me.
Nothing except You.

There has to be more than this,
more to this life.
Jesus can you take the time,
just a second of your time
to give some peace?
To be near in this storm,
to push past my the rage
and insecurities which flood
and overwhelm my heart.

What little love may remain,
let it flow,
let it burn.
Save me from this overload,
this wretched state.
Please love me.

I hate banks.
I hate money.
I'm so screwed. I can't buy gas or even pay for copays for the hospital.
God I'm so screwed.

Don't know how much longer I can make it...

*sigh*

I'm so tired of muscle spasms and hand tremors.

Walls of Disparaging Sound

This soul is so tarnished,
it is second rate.
Yet, through all the abuse
and the misuse
You still love me.

I'm captivated by Your thoughts,
by the rhythm of Your heart.
Every moment You are here,
breaking down these walls
and reaching to this lost one.
Spreading such vivid love
before the day I depart,
comforting these fear
but still I crawl,
overwhelmed by doubt
and afraid of life
and here You are.
Offering unfettered
hope and love.

"Age Of Reptiles" - Showbread

I am made of parts that freeze and ligaments that atrophy
Though they look they’ll never see
They don’t know something’s wrong with me
And just as well, I’ll never tell what’s underneath the scales
I’ve worn to thin to honor you, my every effort fails
So bury me with Israel and cover up my tracks
Leave not a trace of what I was, I’m never coming back
And if you’re mercy falls upon he whose blood is cold
Unearth me with your hands of love and never break your hold

The world is full of ones like me
Who need to see the truth
But the truth is never truth indeed
The truth is only you

Jesus bless the crocodiles, forgive the cobras and all the snakes
Open up your arms to carry all of our mistakes
Suck the venom from every bite and vomit every drop
Some of us may bite your hand but some of us will not
And every knee will bow before you, each forked tongue confess
My selfishness will rot in me and I will seek your rest
Still some lizards fell from you, ashamed of all they’ve been
So Jesus take myself from me, never bring it back again

The world is full of ones like me, who need to see the truth
But the truth is never truth indeed, the truth is only you
The world will soon become extinct, the age will pass away
And all will know that you are God, hallowed be your name

Jesus bless the crocodiles, forgive the cobras and all the snakes
Open up your arms to carry all of our mistakes
Forgive the basilisk, forgive the moccasins and adders too
Have mercy on each alligator that never lived for you
I myself hatched from an egg, no white light from above
Just another ancient serpent that never earned your love
But still you find me underneath the rocks and in the ground
I cowered there just short of air and never made a sound
It’s true that I’m in love with you, and even in my shame
You wipe away the imperfections and take away the pain
You wrap your loving arms around this wretched thing called me
Your love is all I’ll ever need, your love has set me free

The truth is only you

Philosopher List of 53

-Thales (624-546 B.C.)
-Anaximander (546 B.C.)
-Anaximenes (585-528 B.C.)
-Pythagoras (572-497 B.C.)
-Heraclitus (540-480 B.C.)
-Parmenides (515-445 B.C.)
-Zeno of Elea (490-430 B.C.)
-Protagoras (480-410 B.C.)
-Democritus (460-360 B.C.)
-Plato (428-348 B.C.)
-Aristotle (384-322 B.C.)
-Jesus (3 B.C. - 30 A.D.)
-Paul the Apostle ( ???-65)
-Epictetus (55-135 A.D.)
-Justin Martyr (100-165)
-Marcus Aurelius (121-180 A.D.)
-Sextus Empiriricus (175-225)
-Origen (185-254)
-Plotinus (205-270)
-Athanasius of Alexandria (293-373)
-Augustine (354-430)
-Anselm (1033-1109)
-Averroes, Ibn Rushd (1126-1198)
-Maimonides, Moses Ben Maimon (1135-1204)
-Thomas Aquinas (1225-1274)
-William of Ockham (1288-1348)
-Martin Luther (1483-1546)
-John Calvin (1509-1564)
-Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
-Giordano Bruno (1548 - 1600)
-Thomas Hobbes (1588-1679)
-René Descartes (1596-1650)
-Blaise Pascal (1623-1662)
-Baruch Spinoza (1632-1677)
-John Locke (1632-1704)
-George Berkeley (1685-1753)
-John Wesley (1703-1791)
-David Hume (1711-1776)
-Jean-Jacques Rousseau (1712-1778)
-Immanuel Kant (1724-1804)
-Friedrich Daniel Ernst Schleiermacher (1768-1834)
-Georg Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel (1770-1831)
-Arthur Schopenhauer (1788-1860)
-John Stuart Mill (1806-1873)
-Soren Kierkegaard (1813-1855)
-Karl Marx (1818-1883)
-Ernst Mach (1838-1916)
-Charles Sanders Peirce (1839-1914)
-Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)
-Paul Tillich (1886-1965)
-Karl Barth (1886-1968)
-C.S. Lewis (1898-1963)
-Dietrich Bonhoeffer (1906-1945)

"Chrono Trigger Theme" - Orchestrated Version

I forgot how epic music can be.

Tears.

Wow.

Such trivial and meaningless metaphors do grace my lips as I attempt to define the infinite and boundless nature of your grace and do I dare say love?

I wish and do dare hope this all comes true.

"Matthias Replaces Judas" - Showbread

To the hospital!

"Come on Eileen" - Dexy's Midnight Runners

"Train in Vain" - The Clash

"I Don't Like Mondays" - The Boomtown Rats

I love my absolute gift of being able to help no one while simultaneously pissing them all off.

I hate holidays so much.

And life.

But mostly its the holidays that grate my nerves.

Except Christmas.

And Groundhog's Day.

Good movie too.

The Dreams You Dare to Dream

"I Will Follow" - U2

Am concerned enough to almost try something stupid. Almost.

Time.

Wait.

Hate.

Annoyance.

Need to be proactive.