It's amazing how Law and Order: SVU manages to pry and and almost remove what little faith I still have in human beings.

I feel the faintest trace of what it will be like to rest in my Lover's arms once this battle is over and all is said and done.

No more tears, no more aches, no more fear, no more anxiety...everything will be replaced with love and peace eternal.

The tears will be wiped away and the self destruction within will be removed.

Such an awesome, infinite, terrifying but wonderful...love, perfect love that baptizes and heals the soul.

So enigmatic and beyond words...it feels my praise are so insufficient that they may be curses...

I just want to see this, see this with you, see our Love together so that I will no longer be bound by bad health and this failing spirit and we can walk together throughout the ebbs and tides of eternity.

Yes.
Yes it does actually.
=)

"But I'm a creep,
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here

I don't care if it hurts,
I wanna have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul

I want you to notice
when I'm not around"

Oie my heard hurts.

...I just realized it was March.

Quote of the Day:

"Moral #1:If you work hard, stay focused, and never give up, you will eventually get what you want in life.
Moral #2: Sometimes the things we want most in life are the things that will kill us. "
—Donald Miller

You know...I wish I had my toothbrush and that my throat wasn't hurting.
Other then that...I only have a few dozen other things I could complain about...so really...I am not doing so bad this morning.

I'm breathing, I'm alive...there is snow out the window.
I have...some hope.
It hasn't died yet, it keeps fighting to stay with me.
Funny little thing.

You know...being sick and getting sick constantly is really an irritation to me.
I really shouldn't be here...I should just be somewhere I can go to defuse...because I am really on edge.
No sleep and I'm in a significant amount of pain.
Why do I always get myself into these situation again and again?
Things will snowball like they almost always do.
Or they will utterly defuse and my faith will be shown as the small and worthless creature it is.

Oh life.

Still going strong with Deadlands...maybe a few more hours of gaming.

Why must there be so many things around me that are...pain and hurting...but that I can do nothing about?
I just want...to help.

Oh I am excited about getting to play Deadlands tonight with the group in person for the first time since New Years! Hooray! ^_^
No more staticy skype calls for at least two weeks!

Migraine, day two...or is it three?
I'm not sure which.
But do your worse.

Quote of the Day:

“If you look for truth, you may find comfort in the end; if you look for comfort you will not get either comfort or truth only soft soap and wishful thinking to begin, and in the end, despair.”
-C.S. Lewis

I worry so much about the imaginary...I wish letting go of everything was that easy.

The funny thing about people is that we DON'T let go of something...even if it is unhealthy...we have to be forced to let go...the type of person who willingly moves on from the unhealthy is perhaps the rarest types amongst all people.

It is only by loosing everything we hold dear...that keeps up placated and in one place...only by loosing it all can we be free to see who we really are, free to become what we are meant to be.

Things...only blind and hold back.
People it seems too.

353

I don't quite understand why my body works so hard against me...but I have...some hope here and there...

Who am I kidding?

My only hope is Christ and that this shell and soul will be redeemed...that this age will pass away soon...and the next will bring peace...will bring hope.
That is all I have.
Oh come quickly.
Let this heart not worry,
let this soul find rest
even in this world of chaos
and the pain ripping through me.
My body and soul needing rest
but not finding it...
Let there be a measure of relief,
just carry me through this night
love me Lover.

I...want to go wandering throughout this snowy wasteland.
Feeling the cold pierce my bones.
My body is broken and my soul feels...

It's amazing how much more lame I get with each passing day.

One foot forward while loosing several steps at the same time.
Life is full of silliness...to become bitter is stupid.
There are too many good things to let disappointment crush me.
A smile is fit for every occasion, garnished with tears or otherwise.

Flames Within the Shadows

I've bitten on the fruit
and feel the poison spread.
The finger I point
that spreads the venom I accuse
is just a misdirection.
Hoping I can hide who I really am
from the masses, from you
and most of all me.

I'll never be able to run far enough
to hide from You,
all I can do is embrace the lies
and hope I can hide underneath my shame.

It's true I'll fight You ever step
just so I can hold onto my pride
and bathe once again
in this Hellish flame.

Collect these tears in a basin
and catch them before they fall,
let they be a reminder
for the past, for this present
and carry me into the future
as I want to leave here forevermore.

Carry me in grace
or let me fall to Sheol,
just don't leave me here.
No longer in this purgatory.
Don't leave me here.

Lord...what am I doing?
Really?

Oh insomnia...old friend...we meet again...
I do wish you would stop stirring up my thoughts though.
Being a fatal optimist is hard enough without your intervention.

Ack.
Oh.
There is no...
Well there...maybe...

But...maybe...just that...thought...

Quote of the Day:

“It's no wonder that truth is stranger than fiction. Fiction has to make sense.”
-Mark Twain