Tuesday, September 11, 2012

...it's amazing how I still manage to be surprised at the internet and people lacking those moral-whatsits that seem so important...
Coughing is a bit annoying.
Just saying.
I wonder if some memories are not meant to be remembered...but then what are they for and why do they exist?

On Jennifers

So Jennifer finally visited me...a couple weeks ago.
I know if I do not post this now I am not sure when I will.
I was medicated out of my skull and only have the faintest memories of the visit, however I was told it went well.

Seems I always have such strange timing.
Strange how she visited now and we met after years of correspondence.
Time is fleeting, so very fleeting.
Why won't you slow down so we can all take a comfortable stroll? 

Early Morning Existential Quandary

The greater the selection of options, choices and possible results...the greater the pressure of choice becomes.

At least it is from my perspective.

Maybe that is why it is so easy for me to feel such weight?
Even when I wish for it all to vanish in wisps of smoke.

One of the normal questions asked when diagnosing depression, anxiety and etc. is if a person has lost joy in their ever day life.

Why does it seem...what does it feel...like I either have to be joyful or miserable?

Not a balance of those two emotions but one of the poles.

I do not feel it is me setting me up for failure...but just if I do not exercise caution my heart/soul/mind wanders and finds all these questions, all these instances of pain and all of the sum total of silliness of human existence...and I feel the pain others feel.

Sometimes I forget that I am supposed to feel my own pain.
It is so much easier to let situations and guilt dictate how I breath.

What is this?
What is it we become at night?
For all the roads we walk
and questions we ponder,
where is it we are going?
Questions aplently
but answers afew.
Oh how I wish You were here.
So much regret.
So much pain.

I have to decide.
Sooner,
always sooner
and never later.

Stay with me.
Through this night,
through the pain,
as my flesh fails
and my spirit cries out,
stay with me.
Please.