Better...better...better...

"So ya thought ya
Might like to go to the show
To feel the warm thrill of confusion,
That space cadet glow.
Tell me, is something eluding you, sunshine?
Is this not what you expected to see?
If you wanna find out what's behind these cold eyes
You'll just have to claw your way through this disguise."

"Is There Anybody Out There?" - Pink Floyd

"What Shall We Do?/ Empty Spaces" - Pink Floyd

I want to sleep.
Rather badly.
Not insomnia or worry.
Not the nagging feeling of being incomplete.

Not too long ago I had this ridiculous and silly idea that somehow another human being could bring me completion.

No human being cares beyond their immediacy.
It is how we are hard wire.
The few who do not are rightfully looked as being insane.

I wish I could regress into being more simple.
Infinitely more shallow.
Just focus on me.
Making things for me.
Not trying to fix so much.
Flee from stupid decisions and bad ideas.

I keep trying to be someone I am not.
I never was.
I never can be.
Someone I do not want.

Look me in the eyes.
If you can see.
You will know.

The eyes are a window to the soul.
But, look and see
because I'm not sure
what could be.

So many racing thoughts.
Voids.
Incomplete dialogue.
Harsh language.
Hatred.
Lusting over neediness.
Loathing.
This paled moonlight reflecting in my mirror.
Seeing everything.
Feeling nothing.
Want everything.
Being nothing.

So much conveyed.
So much darkness in song.
Something in light.
Pale ramblings pretending to be.
Again.
Again.
Again.

The water can flow.
Blood can pour.
Nothing will change the past.
This endless chasm between us and the pain.
It all feels like rambling lies.

Touch my face.
Feel the porcelain.
The painted on smile.
Sardonic glint in my eyes and all.

I don't think you could see behind this
if you clawed,
pulled
and tore
this damnable cage off.

Because you simply can't see the things
you never wanted
and feel the things
that may have been
or not.