Monday, January 24, 2011

Fun with Fibromyalgia

You know, that actually would be a good name for a British romantic comedy.

Whenever I find myself in a stressful situation that I have no real means of escaping I try to either shut down into silent mode or try to ease the tension with terrible jokes and/or stories.

I suppose one of the good things about going to a Christian university that I can bring the conversation right around to Jesus or something...but that is a bit cliche. Something I have struggled with finding some sort of understanding or meaning in all the pain in this world.

My senior research paper was on trying to deal with the idea of how a good God can exist when if you take off the blinders we wear and just look and see how fragile, how horrifying and how real the pain in this world is.

The more I reread the words of Jesus there is this intense longing and desire to follow...to just break my addiction to material things and actually bother to put my faith into the sort of dangerous practice that for all rights and "practical" purposes it seems inane.

Quote of the Day:

To endure the cross is not tragedy; it is the suffering which is the fruit of an exclusive allegiance to Jesus Christ”
-Dietrich Bonhoeffer

"Every New Day" - Five Iron Frenzy

A friend is someone who will be there...no matter the time, the day, the situation...good times, bad times or when there has been miscommunication or a fight.

At least that is what I tell myself and possibly why I am seem to be so damn masochistic.
Why must thoughts and emotions be so confusing?
I understand now how drama works and why people pay money to see it...

...but that doesn't make it anymore enjoyable to live.

Bleh.

I just...

I want this seed of hope within my soul to grow.
To blossom and help me become so much more.

Wow that may have been the cheesiest thing I have ever written... o_O

Meh.
As Freddie Mercury once sang, "Who waits forever anyway?"
Sometimes it's nice to smile.
It's three AM and I am exhausted, but no matter what happens...no matter how bad I feel or how lame I seem when I inevitably compare myself to everyone else...I am my own unique brand of lame geekiness.

And that is okay.
That is wonderful.
I am my own and loved and wanted for who I am.
I don't have to meet someone's standards.
Those worth loving find me lovable because I was first loved by Him.

It's awesome.
In it's own weird ways.