It is sort of funny...but I am in a place where I really am not feeling attraction to any female or any remote desire for a relationship...it's been this way since August...so strange but so wonderful.

I honesty don't know if I have ever gone this long with out at least feeling some sort of crush...since what...maybe second grade and liking A.T.?

Oh so silly...and that was something like an eight year crush or something.

I really am starting to understand why the Catholic church forbids priests and other leaders from marrying. It is easier to uproot your life in obedience to God and follow when you don't have such silly things tying you down.

Maybe some people can be redeemed and find meaning in marriage and starting a family...but with my genes, my genetics...that route seems like a damnation rather than a salvation.

Me...a husband...a father?
I don't think I possess the faculties to dream of something like that...much less if it ever became a reality.

I can't take care of myself...I suppose like The Doctor said, "I'm rubbish at weddings, especially my own."

I suppose that could also qualify for funerals as well.

Quote of the Day:

“The function of prayer is not to influence God, but rather to change the nature of the one who prays.”
-Soren Kierkegaard

Proverbs 28

"When the godly succeed, everyone is glad.
When the wicked take charge, people go into hiding.

People who conceal their sins will not prosper,
but if they confess and turn from them, they will receive mercy.

Blessed are those who fear to do wrong,
but the stubborn are headed for serious trouble."
-Proverbs 28:12-14


I'm a swirl, a vortex of emotion coming down off of the high of wanting...needing and begging to understand.

But life isn't about if I understand...but if I love like You love, right?

I just...
I really wish things could be more simple...just be able to breath and relax and not worry so much...worrying about everything and nothing...

What is the right thing to do?
What path is righteous?

You see everything so there is not point to conceal who I am...I am just open and bare before you...you see into me and know everything there is...

I'm not praying to change you...but the hope I can be changed.

The hope I can hold on and not fall to the pain inside of me...but to open up and let the hope carry me...let Your love carry me...because You are all I have...now and forever.

"I've become impossible
holding on to when
when everything seemed to matter more
the two of us
all used and beaten up
watching fate as it flows down the path we
have chose

you and me
we're in this together now
none of them can stop us now
we will make it through somehow
you and me
if the world should break in two
until the very end of me
until the very end of you

awake to the sound as they peel apart the skin
they pick and they pull
trying to get their fingers in
well they've got to kill what we've found
well they've got to hate what they fear
well they've got to make it go away
well they've got to make it disappear

the farther I fall I'm beside you
as lost as I get I will find you
the deeper the wound I'm inside you
for ever and ever I'm a part of"