Argent Dawn
Trailos
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Resettlement of the Heart
Oh dear Love, dear Love
this is me speaking.
How lame are my limbs
how dumb is my tongue
and how deep in my aching.
My words may not express
even as a Muse hovers near
and I may only confess
my insufficiency here
as I fumble loosely for change,
change here
change now
a change for forever.
Grace to heal these wounds
Grace to forever rearrange
the structure of my heart.
Rewrite Your words on my heart.
Restructure so I may love,
break this wall down
so I can feel
and I can know whom this love is of.
this is me speaking.
How lame are my limbs
how dumb is my tongue
and how deep in my aching.
My words may not express
even as a Muse hovers near
and I may only confess
my insufficiency here
as I fumble loosely for change,
change here
change now
a change for forever.
Grace to heal these wounds
Grace to forever rearrange
the structure of my heart.
Rewrite Your words on my heart.
Restructure so I may love,
break this wall down
so I can feel
and I can know whom this love is of.
Sacred Falling Notes
I feel and see the futility.
I want to give up.
It's not real.
None of it ever was.
Strip me of my eyes so I can on longer see, take my ears so I may not hear, take my heart so I will never love and strip away my ability to feel.
It's not a question of believing in love...my faith is weak and I doubt it can overcome the disgusting frailties of humanity...I doubt few if any know what this Love is...what it means in the context of eternity...how it rips meaning from Your life and makes everything worthless. everything eternally worthless.
Too numb to feel and too dumb to speak.
I'm fooling around with cheap drink, cheap drugs and even cheaper sex not even knowing the source of my own misery is me waking to realize I never slept. It's all running in circles while making me feel cheap, cheaper and much more less than I truly am.
I remember eating a sandwich with her and it hurts.
I want everyone to like and accept me, when I don't get what I want I become this child who hurts and hurts with no sense or bearing of the the eternal and how it is all it is.
I doubt many understand this...and if they do it's distance ripping things apart...I want to give up and surrender my soul but it feels like I have nothing left...nothing except hope and trust that I am something more then a dying body with an infection infested soul.
Does it really matter that...even though I make it about me...that nothing except Everything is related to me?
You made it this way...everything and nothing...all at once.
How beautiful, how terrifying of You.
Isaiah 1:18-20
""Come. Sit down. Let's argue this out.
"This is God's Message:
"If your sins are blood-red,
they'll be snow-white.
If they're red like crimson,
they'll be like wool.
If you'll willingly obey,
you'll feast like kings.
But if you're willful and stubborn,
you'll die like dogs."
That's right. God says so."
I want to give up.
It's not real.
None of it ever was.
Strip me of my eyes so I can on longer see, take my ears so I may not hear, take my heart so I will never love and strip away my ability to feel.
It's not a question of believing in love...my faith is weak and I doubt it can overcome the disgusting frailties of humanity...I doubt few if any know what this Love is...what it means in the context of eternity...how it rips meaning from Your life and makes everything worthless. everything eternally worthless.
Too numb to feel and too dumb to speak.
I'm fooling around with cheap drink, cheap drugs and even cheaper sex not even knowing the source of my own misery is me waking to realize I never slept. It's all running in circles while making me feel cheap, cheaper and much more less than I truly am.
I remember eating a sandwich with her and it hurts.
I want everyone to like and accept me, when I don't get what I want I become this child who hurts and hurts with no sense or bearing of the the eternal and how it is all it is.
I doubt many understand this...and if they do it's distance ripping things apart...I want to give up and surrender my soul but it feels like I have nothing left...nothing except hope and trust that I am something more then a dying body with an infection infested soul.
Does it really matter that...even though I make it about me...that nothing except Everything is related to me?
You made it this way...everything and nothing...all at once.
How beautiful, how terrifying of You.
Isaiah 1:18-20
""Come. Sit down. Let's argue this out.
"This is God's Message:
"If your sins are blood-red,
they'll be snow-white.
If they're red like crimson,
they'll be like wool.
If you'll willingly obey,
you'll feast like kings.
But if you're willful and stubborn,
you'll die like dogs."
That's right. God says so."
Split Words
I feel...so worried about people...about situations...about how it almost seems things are starting to spiral out of control.
I want to ask "What does it really matter?"
But I know the answer. I just want to shove my head so deep into the sand so that I cannot see, experience or feel.
I'm this mixture of a Savior want to be with the emotional maturity of a five year old. I keep trying to play Jesus to the leprosy of your heart...but I have nothing to give.
This medication...I guess this is like being stoned...or whatever. It sucks...I hate it. I hate this sickness and this pain...but God help me to see the light. Baby, light my way, light my way.
I want to ask "What does it really matter?"
But I know the answer. I just want to shove my head so deep into the sand so that I cannot see, experience or feel.
I'm this mixture of a Savior want to be with the emotional maturity of a five year old. I keep trying to play Jesus to the leprosy of your heart...but I have nothing to give.
This medication...I guess this is like being stoned...or whatever. It sucks...I hate it. I hate this sickness and this pain...but God help me to see the light. Baby, light my way, light my way.
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