Friday, September 5, 2008
Morning Day Dreams
I'm quite tired, physically and mentally.
I avoided certain drugs and...well I guess it isn't much of a surprise that I was not able to sleep.
Hmm...sensing a pattern here perhaps?
I'm confused.
The heart, mind and soul all seem to pull in their own respective directions.
I supposed my heart would be a base desire.
My mind is my intellect I have gathered through knowledge and experience.
My soul is the eternal essence that gives eternal purpose to the flesh body.
I'm guessing maybe that deep down they may not like each other very much...partly because they insist on being in such constant conflict...plus the other aspects of my being, being screwed up even more.
Example:
Loneliness.
I have been ill, a lot, lately and because of that my physical contact with humans has diminished greatly. It was hard enough before hand but the more I am alone the more I feel that I have every right to be by myself and to simply ignore others.
God knows how much of a prick I am to my family, simply for them committing the unforgivable sin of 'checking up on me'. It has gotten to the point where there isn't much conversation that I am involved in...but I think I even got my mom to just stop making basic inquires into my life...simply because of me being so short with her...I hate how much of a jerk I can be without even thinking about it.
In my defense, I just do not see how they could not notice the physical and mental anguish I am in, almost constantly at that. I mean, I can pick up small signs from people I do not even know...and considering there is at least a fragment of gene pool shared here...is there just no perception or no desire to perceive?
I just lack so many of the similar thoughts and ideas of others...how is this for a life plan...
Sleep.
Emotional stability.
Being healthy and sick free.
Sounds dreamy.
I avoided certain drugs and...well I guess it isn't much of a surprise that I was not able to sleep.
Hmm...sensing a pattern here perhaps?
I'm confused.
The heart, mind and soul all seem to pull in their own respective directions.
I supposed my heart would be a base desire.
My mind is my intellect I have gathered through knowledge and experience.
My soul is the eternal essence that gives eternal purpose to the flesh body.
I'm guessing maybe that deep down they may not like each other very much...partly because they insist on being in such constant conflict...plus the other aspects of my being, being screwed up even more.
Example:
Loneliness.
I have been ill, a lot, lately and because of that my physical contact with humans has diminished greatly. It was hard enough before hand but the more I am alone the more I feel that I have every right to be by myself and to simply ignore others.
God knows how much of a prick I am to my family, simply for them committing the unforgivable sin of 'checking up on me'. It has gotten to the point where there isn't much conversation that I am involved in...but I think I even got my mom to just stop making basic inquires into my life...simply because of me being so short with her...I hate how much of a jerk I can be without even thinking about it.
In my defense, I just do not see how they could not notice the physical and mental anguish I am in, almost constantly at that. I mean, I can pick up small signs from people I do not even know...and considering there is at least a fragment of gene pool shared here...is there just no perception or no desire to perceive?
I just lack so many of the similar thoughts and ideas of others...how is this for a life plan...
Sleep.
Emotional stability.
Being healthy and sick free.
Sounds dreamy.
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