Psalm 40

"I waited patiently for the Lord to help me,
and he turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the pit of despair,
out of the mud and the mire.
He set my feet on solid ground
and steadied me as I walked along.
He has given me a new song to sing,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see what he has done and be amazed.
They will put their trust in the Lord."
-Psalm 40:1-3

How long?
How long?
How long?
To sing this song?

My heart soars, swoons and falls
diving, colliding
and begging for You.
Time in,
time out
in every way
in every sight
sound
and light.

How was I alive before You?
How can I pretend to be alive without You?
The only esctsy of my soul
can be found
within Your love for me.
All of these fleeting jewels,
relationships,
sweet pains
are reminders of Love Divine,
that was carried
and spread on a Cross.

Thank You.
Again.
Again.
And again.
Your Love is greater than I.
And shall ever be.
Forever.
And ever.
Amen.

Writer's Block

So I hate writing blocks.

I think there needs to be random writings and thoughts.
May not fix everything but it does something.
And something is needed and wonderful.

It's a bit of a silly thing...it's composed of fear, doubt, insincerity, introspection...and on, on, on and going.

It's so strange how I can wake up and feel so lost, things are floating up and away...when nothing has occurred to change things.

However, this isn't the depression and anxiety doubling up on me.
The happiness is still there.
It just feels frustrating because my health is going up and down still.

There is never a sensation of "having made it" and waiting for that is a bit silly.
Every day of our lives is a chance for living, life and new experiences.

I'm not sure about so many of the other details...but there is more than an ample opportunity for happiness, for living and creating something new.

And I can smile.
That is wonderful all and of itself.
Money may be dwindling and the new job not taking off like I had hoped it would, but it's not the end of the world.

I can choose.
No matter the outcome, there is choice.
I will continue to choose.
Continue to smile.
It's beautiful.
Even with the pain.