Day 1

"Oh,the joys of those who do not follow the advice of the wicked, or stand around with sinners, or join in with mockers."
-Psalm 1:1

Joy seems to be so fleeting, I know it is supposed to be this lasting uplifting thing but at the end of the day the world seems more darker then lighter.

My body, my flesh, my being demands and desires so much that is screwed up...it's just like my spirit is screaming for help while in this body. It screams for help because of fears of being tainted by this condition but that is all wrong.

You made both body and spirit and both are good. All the evil can be summed up in overindulgence and abusing your body because of addiction.

I would like to find genuine joy and peace in and with you. I would love to be wrapped in your arms and held tightly, reminded that I am okay the way I am, that you do not hate me for who I am, that you love me, honestly love me more then I can understand.

What is this, this truth we claim to hold?
What is this, this emancipation we fight to hide?

I don't know why you love an idiot like me but don't let my ignorance get in your way.

Oooooh Yes! Half Blood Prince!

Dissimulated Assimilation

Sometimes I cannot sincerely believes the lies you explicate.
The only one I can hate for this is me.
The little piece of peace of mind you promised was The Fake,
that I should have seen emblazoned as your banner.
You are the reason my tongue is tied into riddles.
My mirror image is the venom that drips from your lips
and the fables tightly clutched inside my bleeding heart.

I see in visions of red crossed with an indigo tinted spectrum of hate.
Everything I ever wanted to hate can be found inside your mind.
This useless word, the lame legs, the broken arm and the trite mind.

I use to beg for nothing to envelop me
to hide me carefully from your sight.
Closed under lock and key, tightly away from being.
Nothing in being closer to you is believing then being closer to you.

Instead I open myself up for this abuse.
I cast down the defense and invite you to meet.
To feast on the remainder of my heart and let you fester in it with hate.
The safety net of my pretending soul is all I need to be.

I can wish and pray equally much but know what you hate.
I know the broken path you stalk down and those you feed off of.
I pushed many lost victims into your open jaws,
just so we could laugh at their frightened facade.
Fallen and putrid beast in the false image of light.
I knew your secret one and all from when we first met.
The day you took my hand and whispered your first lies.
The only person I deceived was me.

Burning in your self adoration I have to say I want to love you.
Just like you whisper lies to the beast and his whore,
I want to crucify myself just to feel the bleed.
So you will give me more of this ill got gain.
I'm addicted to the sacrifice of self and your pretend plaything called love.

Where would I be without you?
A trite meaning with purpose and love is what.
I tried to sacrifice it all so I could have nothing I ever wanted,
just to be caught up in this hyper inflated lie I love to hold.

I'm guessing there are just days when you feel like you have been swallowed up by the world, chewed on and spat up. I'm guessing having invasive exploratory tests to determine what is wrong with me isn't helping.

Epic Rick Roll

━━━━━━━━━ ┏┓
┏┫　┏┓　┏┓　┣┓　　　　┃┃
┗┫　　　┃　　　┣┛　┏━━┻┃
　┃　┗━━━┛　┃　　┣━━　┃
　┗━━━┳━━━┛　　┣━━　┃
　┏━━▇▇▇━━━━━┻━━━┛

Epic Rick Roll!

Thank you James. ^_^

I sometimes wish that I could change the world through art...the written word, the spoken word and music. Other times I just have to look reality in the face and realize that chances are against it...but the hope burns inside for some reason only God knows.

Ye gats, now what?

*sigh* Indeed, such is life and how it shall ever be.

Here goes something.

God I really do not want to do this.

Screams of the Undead

Every single time i feel the burn i try to throw it away.
A fast fix for the brokenness of everyday.
Its like the pain is building up, it's swelling up,
I've got to choke it down and break it down until it's broke down.
it's like a shard of glass, it's like a broken piece.
Of everything i hate, it's everything in me,
A burnt heart stains black the blood it flows.
A dead soul will overshadow.
Push it out. It's everything you never were,
Push it out. I want to see it shatter.
And Everyday i see my life rewind tearing through dreams i find im wide awake.
And even when it's wrong i start to learn, and then i do it again.
I reach out to grasp and get a broken hand,
And everyone is going to turn their backs.
I want to take them down,
and strike them down and leave them struck down.
Its like I'm made to fail with everything i gain.
Just an infected piece in a defective game.
My two hands give birth to nothing right.
A black past is an effective foresight.
Push it out, it's everything you never were.
Push it out, i want to see it shatter.
And Everyday i see my life rewind tearing through dreams i find I'm wide awake.
And everything is building up, a pale heart is an empty cup,
if nothing ever changes, I'm breaking down, giving up.
Burn it out, let it go, break it all, lose control,
force it out, bring it through, pass it down, make it new.
Kill the pain, scrape it off, leave it here, make it stop.
Tear it down, bleed it out, all the hate, see it straight.
No one ever told me that it would all stay the same.
Everyday i fall on shards of my hatred and shame.

-Demon Hunter, "Screams of the Undead"