Showing posts with label suicide. Show all posts
Showing posts with label suicide. Show all posts

Friday, December 13, 2013

Falling Out of Control

If I survive these legal battles something has to change. I realize my depression and fixation on death haven't hanged because wanting to die is what got me into this damn mess to begin with. 

What the hell is hope anyway?

Jesus, do you listen when I pray?
Does it matter that I pray?
This night seems to have no end.
Father I am terrified.
The shadows grow restless and I hear their cries in the night.

How can I hope?
What is love?
Where is faith?

I thnk that I think I want to believe.
And to hope.

I am falling.
Please catch me and stop me if there is hope in this life.
Otherwise just let me fall and let me reach terminal velocity.
If there is no hope to regain a normal life and be able to live life, grow and help others... I would rather fall to my death and be crushed by impact and bleed out.

Please help me have enough faith to have faith.

Sunday, December 8, 2013

Time to Hope

If I have nothing more than anything it must be hope.

It is what will keep me alive if anything will.

This nightmare seems to have no end and the bleakness seems more real than anything else.

I need to hope but I am so unsure and not sure of why I live and try.

Death is so much easier but I do feel a need to live and see how things resolve.