Proverbs 23

^"Don’t cheat your neighbor by moving the ancient boundary markers;
    don’t take the land of defenseless orphans. For their Redeemer is strong;
    he himself will bring their charges against you.

 Commit yourself to instruction;
    listen carefully to words of knowledge."

^{-Proverbs 23:10-12}

  ^{Why is this screaming out to me about Orthodoxy?}

^{About trying to find that place where You truth intersects with tradition, religion, spiritual things  God you alone know what else.}

I feel like the past few years have been this wandering in the Wasteland, somewhere between slavery in Egypt and drunkenness in a false Canaan. 

I want to rest under the shadow of Your Love.

Not feel this need to stay constantly alert and paranoid.

My bottle rattles with coughs and aches 

while finances slip further away.

I was born with nothing

and I shall die with nothing,

except Your Love.

Your choosing to choose me

was something I would never believe

and something I still struggle with grasping.

All the fine lines of poetry I cough out

and etch in rock with these shaking hands

and I wonder what is next.

Where is the boundary?

Where is Truth?

I have to ask WHAT IS TRUTH?

Not this screwed up tradition and bloodshed we call freedom.

But freedom from ourselves.

Freedom to Love.

To Love You.

To Love others.

To finally grasp Love for myself.

I do not want to cut myself off of blessings, of Love, of Truth, of You because of trying to make these silly people happy. I want to recklessly pursue You.

Everything else is fodder for the fire.

Please help me to get my priorities in shape again.

Get my head on my shoulders.

All that nice proverbial stuff that my mom has been trying to get me to do all these years.

(Hi mom!)

But more than that, help me become the man, the teacher, the preacher, the Christian You have called me to be.

All of these threads are loose.

They compose the tapestry of my life.

One day we will look at it together.

You are the only One who can pull it together.

Please pull my pieces, my pain, my love, my tragedy, my wonder and hope all together.

Into this beautiful picture of life that only You could have forseen.

Since before time was a human construct we created to prevent from going insane.

Thank You.

Thank You.

Thank You.

Rejoice.