Showing posts with label Early Morning Existential Quandary. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Early Morning Existential Quandary. Show all posts

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Early Morning Existential Quandary

The greater the selection of options, choices and possible results...the greater the pressure of choice becomes.

At least it is from my perspective.

Maybe that is why it is so easy for me to feel such weight?
Even when I wish for it all to vanish in wisps of smoke.

One of the normal questions asked when diagnosing depression, anxiety and etc. is if a person has lost joy in their ever day life.

Why does it seem...what does it feel...like I either have to be joyful or miserable?

Not a balance of those two emotions but one of the poles.

I do not feel it is me setting me up for failure...but just if I do not exercise caution my heart/soul/mind wanders and finds all these questions, all these instances of pain and all of the sum total of silliness of human existence...and I feel the pain others feel.

Sometimes I forget that I am supposed to feel my own pain.
It is so much easier to let situations and guilt dictate how I breath.

What is this?
What is it we become at night?
For all the roads we walk
and questions we ponder,
where is it we are going?
Questions aplently
but answers afew.
Oh how I wish You were here.
So much regret.
So much pain.

I have to decide.
Sooner,
always sooner
and never later.

Stay with me.
Through this night,
through the pain,
as my flesh fails
and my spirit cries out,
stay with me.
Please.