Friday, December 13, 2013

Falling Out of Control

If I survive these legal battles something has to change. I realize my depression and fixation on death haven't hanged because wanting to die is what got me into this damn mess to begin with. 

What the hell is hope anyway?

Jesus, do you listen when I pray?
Does it matter that I pray?
This night seems to have no end.
Father I am terrified.
The shadows grow restless and I hear their cries in the night.

How can I hope?
What is love?
Where is faith?

I thnk that I think I want to believe.
And to hope.

I am falling.
Please catch me and stop me if there is hope in this life.
Otherwise just let me fall and let me reach terminal velocity.
If there is no hope to regain a normal life and be able to live life, grow and help others... I would rather fall to my death and be crushed by impact and bleed out.

Please help me have enough faith to have faith.

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