Tuesday, December 20, 2011

...it seems every time I stop to look...you aren't there...
"Why, Mr. Anderson, why, why? Why do you do it? Why get up? Why keep fighting? Do you believe you're fighting for something, for more than your survival? Can you tell me what it is? Do you even know? Is it freedom? Or truth? Perhaps peace? Could it be for love?

"Illusions, Mr. Anderson, vagaries of perception! Temporary constructs of a feeble human intellect trying desperately to justify an existence that is without meaning or purpose! And all of them as artificial as the Matrix itself, although, only a human mind could create something as insipid as love!

"You must be able to see it, Mr. Anderson, you must know it by now, you can't win! It's pointless to keep fighting! Why, Mr. Anderson, why?! Why do you persist?!"

"Because I choose to."
It took till the fourth day.
That has to be an all time personal best for me.
I never quite realized how much of this feels like just one big lie.

Heh.

At least I have the refuge of the comedic.

Laughing while this damn ship is burning down as it sinks.
Meh.
I'm so tired of being sick.
In pain.
So...tired of this isolation.
Lack of in person human interaction.
Genuine, trusting, humane interaction.

"Creep" - Radiohead



Well that was twenty times on repeat.
Time to do something else...
"But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here

I don't care if it hurts
I want to have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul
I want you to notice when I'm not around
You're so fucking special
I wish I was special

But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell I'm doing here?
I don't belong here"

Night Courses in Despondency

Clicking into midnight,
falling, falling and spinning
working for insight
just as the static rises
blinding and aching in my soul,
wanting you,
yeah babe just wanting You.

Interference on the horizon,
losing sight
and the distance hurts.
Yeah it's a given
but with the fading light
it's just death to my comfort.

Again, again and again
spinning on life's merry-go-round
and thought I've wanted off,
here I will stay.

Spinning, fading and dreaming.
Night coming and going,
learning and plotting
and hoping
just hoping for more.