Psalm 46

"God is our refuge and strength,
always ready to help in times of trouble.
So we will not fear when earthquakes come
and the mountains crumble into the sea.
Let the oceans roar and foam.
Let the mountains tremble as the waters surge!"
-Psalm 46:1-3


Refuge and strength.
Security and strength.
Support and safety.
These things...and more.
I need them.
I miss them.
I do not know if I ever had them.

It's like I am living life in this fog.
And confusion.
The road to healing is a long and painful one.
But far from impossible.

I feel more hope now than I have in a long time.
Despite the pain, the exhaustion and the want to hide.
In spite of circumstances and pain I have and will hope.

Every time I have tried quitting I have had Jesus drag me back.
Again.
And again.
So I will continue to hope.
I am loved.
And wanted by my Beloved.

There are so many good things, wonderful and beautiful things.
With my body and mind starting to heal I think I will be able to see them.
This is just going to be a lifetime process.
Adjustments to my life and lifestyle.

Hope beyond hope.
Love beyond love.
My Beloved is mine and I am His.
He has sought me through the darkness and Hell.
The imposed isolation and fear.
And carried me, carried me so far.
Hallelujah.