Goodbye.
Goodbye.
Goodbye.

"There is no pain you are receding
A distant ship, smoke on the horizon.
You are only coming through in waves.
Your lips move but I can't hear what you're saying.
When I was a child
I caught a fleeting glimpse
Out of the corner of my eye.
I turned to look but it was gone
I cannot put my finger on it now
The child is grown,
The dream is gone.
I have become comfortably numb."




The one thing reality will not permit me is numbness.
No breaking from the pain.
Cycles...in and out, circular, moving, falling and being destroyed.

Why do I...and why should I care at all?

Moving beyond the open gate and into reality...seeing all there is to be seen and realize that none of it amounts to much...

Faith, hope and love...but where is the love?

Clever lines of jargon and disinformation...lies I fed to myself in order to invent you...make you up and become enamored with something that wasn't even real to begin with.

Curious...curious...

I wish sleep could take me and I would wake up to where everything was better...
One day...one day...one...day...

Placebo Verbiage

Words, words and more words.
Plenty of none sense.
The restless movement
being mixed
with relentless tension.

Words, words and more words.
Losing their meaning
and always redefining
just what it means
to be human.

Not sure what matters
or what the cost can cost
when everything
reaches a climax
of pointless heights.

Apathy in my cup
and wanting to find
hope and love
just waiting
and wanting to be found.

Making sense...of anything...is nowhere as easy as it used to be.

I'm getting way too old for handling any of this stuff...

Is twenty-five too young for retirement?

Isaiah 9

"The people who walk in darkness
will see a great light.
For those who live in a land of deep darkness,
a light will shine."
-Isaiah 9:2

So much darkness.
So much pain.

I d not even have to think to find suffering, pain, rejection, despair and hate.

It's so murky, so confusing...it feels like every time I find something on this damn planet even remotely stable...uncertainty and pain flare up...

Is this your way of saying I should stay alone and find solace in solitude alone?
Or maybe I should just listen to Pink Floyd even louder and hope the good music at least does something encouraging?


I can't see.
I think I did.
At some point it seems there was more...

But here is blindness and I'm praying for a light.
Not just a tiny illumination...but a blinding reclaiming of every aspect...


I'm sick of my own ignorance.
Of the games played.
Of not seeing when I look.
I just need freedom.
Even if it's painful and awkward freedom.

I don't want to see by false lights.
I do not want to get my hopes set on falsehoods.
I just want to know, see and live truth.
Everything else is silly and pointless.

Please, please...illuminate my life.
Help me to find and destroy this darkness with Your Light.
Illuminate, burn and never end.

"Did you see the frightened ones?
Did you hear the falling bombs?
Did you ever wonder why we had to run for shelter when the
promise of a brave new world unfurled beneath a clear blue
sky?

Did you see the frightened ones?
Did you hear the falling bombs?
The flames are all gone, but the pain lingers on."