Quote of the Day:

“Yes, the gracious God enfleshed in Jesus Christ loves us.”

“Grace is the active expression of his love. The Christian lives by grace as Abba’s child, utterly rejecting the God who catches people by surprise in a moment of weakness—the God incapable of smiling at our awkward mistakes, the God who does not accept a seat at our human festivities, the God who says “You will pay for that,” the God incapable of understanding that children will always get dirty and be forgetful, the God always snooping around after sinners.”

“At the same time, the child of the Father rejects the pastel-colored patsy God who promises never to rain on our parade….

…the child of God knows that the graced life calls him or her to live on a cold and windy mountain, not on the flattened plain of reasonable, middle-of-the-road religion.”

“For at the heart of the gospel of grace, the sky darkens, the wind howls, a young man walks up another Moriah in obedience to a God who demands everything and stops at nothing. Unlike Abraham, he carries a cross on his back rather than sticks for the fire…like Abraham, listening to a wild and restless God who will have His way with us, no matter what the cost.”

“This is the God of the gospel of grace. A God who, out of love for us, sent the only Son He ever had wrapped in our skin. He learned how to walk, stumbled and fell, cried for His milk, sweated blood in the night, was lashed with a whip and showered with spit, was fixed to a cross, and died whispering forgiveness on us all.”

“The God of the legalistic Christian, on the other hand, is often unpredictable, erratic, and capable of all manner of prejudices. When we view God this way, we feel compelled to engage in some sort of magic to appease Him. Sunday worship becomes a superstitious insurance policy against His whims. This God expects people to be perfect and to be in perpetual control of their feelings and thoughts. When broken people with this concept of God fail—as inevitably they must—they usually expect punishment. So they persevere in religious practices as they struggle to maintain a hollow image of a perfect self. The struggle itself is exhausting. The legalists can never live up to the expectations they project on God.”

“A married woman in Atlanta with two small children told me recently she was certain that God was disappointed with her because she wasn’t “doing anything” for Him. She told me she felt called to a soup kitchen ministry but struggled with leaving her children in someone else’s care. She was shocked when I told her the call was not from God but from her own ingrained legalism. Being a good mother wasn’t enough for her; in her mind, neither was it good enough for God.”

“In similar fashion, a person who thinks of God as a loose cannon firing random broadsides to let us know who’s in charge will become fearful, slavish, and probably unbending in his or her expectations of others. If your God is an impersonal cosmic force, your religion will be noncommittal and vague. The image of God as an omnipotent thug who brooks no human intervention creates a rigid lifestyle ruled by puritanical laws and dominated by fear.”

“But trust in the God who loves consistently and faithfully nurtures confident, free disciples. A loving God fosters a loving people.”
-Brennan Manning

Ecclesiastes 10

"If your boss is angry at you, don’t quit!
A quiet spirit can overcome even great mistakes."
-Ecclesiastes 10:4

I want to quit.
I want to hide.
I want to run and just not have to deal with this stress, this illness, this pain, this exhaustion, the fact that every time I eat I get sick...I just want to hide from everything that doesn't make sense...

...I want to but I can't.

I just...have to trust, have to hang on...
I have no choice but to trust.
And I cannot begin to even convey how terrifying that is.
Christianity isn't a remote comfort to anyone who actually bothers to read the Bible and realize that the only thing we're promised is misery, death and enough grace to get us from here to there...with an assurance that the harder we try and the more we love than the worst the sorrow and pain.

I promise I'm not a negative masochist but there is joy to be found...even when my world is falling apart and I am just a frightened child.

There is grace.
I fear.
I doubt.
I fall.
I fail.

But for some reason I'm loved.
I can't understand or will ever grasp why God has any interest or desire to know me, insignificant chief of sinners whose only claim to fame is religious nonsense, but here I am...hanging on by a thread and somehow loved.

Nothing I can do could ever increase God's love for me or make him see me as anything but a wounded son who is broken and in need of love...I wish I could be strong but it's a fantasy when you pretend you are something else...and this is love, real broken and Love that defies logic and expectation.

I'm just a broken piece being loved.
Maybe one day I'll be free of pain...but maybe it's the pain that will finally keep me close to God.
It's not about getting good marks or defining myself in human terms...but learning to love, to carry that love and share it with every breath.

Please, just grace enough for today.
Peace enough so I can smile.
Truth enough to embolden my every effort to love.

Coming from one who has a lot of faith...there is nothing I find as infinitely depressing and frustrating then those who wield "truth" as a club to beat people senseless and try to guilt them into whatever mold they themselves are stuck in. No one is perfect and even on the good days life is a struggle...there is just no time to waste on pointless bickering, slandering and backstabbing when there is so much good that is in need of doing and love in need of giving.

Ecclesiastes 9

"I have observed something else under the sun. The fastest runner doesn’t always win the race, and the strongest warrior doesn’t always win the battle. The wise sometimes go hungry, and the skillful are not necessarily wealthy. And those who are educated don’t always lead successful lives. It is all decided by chance, by being in the right place at the right time."
-Ecclesiastes 9:11

Life.
There is every reason to be bitter, to be cynical and to give up.
But there is life, light and a reason to smile.
Love.
Shown to me, given to me, hugs, kisses, prayers, emails, texts, letters...reminders that there is a reason I am breathing, that there is a reason I have refused to just lay down and die.

I can never quite fathom or express how much physical pain I am.
The fact I FEEL and have such strong emotional and mental responses to everything can just turn things into this...maze, this swamp of emotions and clouds of doubt.

But I feel Your love.
Just as much as I feel this pain.
My spine, my stomach, my head...all hurt...
But my soul, my heart, my mind...are enraptured by this impossible love.

"And so one morning just before dawn You came
Out of the forest towards my window
With a smile in Your hand
As the moist air up to Your knees started swirling like smoke
I saw Your lips move
Asking: Did you lose something
I stood glued to the window

Emotions running through my vein
How I know a word I can’t explain

I think I’ve known you all along
Just lost Your face in the crowd for awhile
I think I have been holding my breath all my life
Can I exhale and go into exile
Ask me now and I’ll run away with You

And so with the dawn You’ve come
Eye to eye with nothing in between but this fragile glass
Your lips move again
I try but I can’t detect the vibrations in the air
How I’ve longed to inhale Your breath
It’s still early and I see your words getting caught
In the window slowly turning into frost

I see Your hand move and I can’t detain
Scraping down a word I can’t explain

I think I’ve known you all along
Just lost Your face in the crowd for awhile
I think I have been holding my breath all my life
Can I exhale and go into exile
Ask me now and I’ll run away with You"


Can I run away?
Be safe in Your arms?
Feel the peace beyond understanding
and know, just know
that You will chase away all my fear
all the monsters
and know that forever
I will be loved?