The "short cape" that I spent at least 30+ hours trying to recall the name of is a "mantle".
Bah.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Peace and Love, Hope and Dreams
How has this world been held together when there is so much mistrust, so much pain, so much hate and such endless self destruction?
Somehow, someway, some means that I truly do not understand...I am trusted.
The personal and broken lives of friends...and they trust me to hear, to listen, to see their wounds...a broken and tired child who doesn't know his left hand from his right...and yet, with just a prayer and hope...sometimes things can be okay.
Is this what you meant to be community?
Just this...simple hope that by being honest...by trying to do the right thing...somehow, someway...things can somehow work out?
I know it's stupid but sometimes I think I must have done something horrible, something terribly sinful to "deserve" all the pain and doubt I have. Not being able to sleep because of the levels of pain and then to hurt so much that I can't write, much less pray like I used to...but...isn't this love?
Love requires honesty.
Love requires disarming.
Love requires pain.
For love to grow, muscles have to be stretched, pulled, broken, stitched back together...and repeated, again and again...again and again.
God it hurts.
But if this is life, if this is what it means to live in live...and "fellowship" I suppose I can say it might just be worth losing my life over.
I still have so many doubts about being called and where I am being called or even if I can do anything right...but even with all my doubts...You believe in me.
Which is painful but I can't help but believe.
It goes beyond what I can choose to do and you love me.
Love me.
Love. Me.
After all the unintentional pain I have caused...been apart of...thank you for holding me, keeping me close and not letting me fade into the dark.
Somehow, someway, some means that I truly do not understand...I am trusted.
The personal and broken lives of friends...and they trust me to hear, to listen, to see their wounds...a broken and tired child who doesn't know his left hand from his right...and yet, with just a prayer and hope...sometimes things can be okay.
Is this what you meant to be community?
Just this...simple hope that by being honest...by trying to do the right thing...somehow, someway...things can somehow work out?
I know it's stupid but sometimes I think I must have done something horrible, something terribly sinful to "deserve" all the pain and doubt I have. Not being able to sleep because of the levels of pain and then to hurt so much that I can't write, much less pray like I used to...but...isn't this love?
Love requires honesty.
Love requires disarming.
Love requires pain.
For love to grow, muscles have to be stretched, pulled, broken, stitched back together...and repeated, again and again...again and again.
God it hurts.
But if this is life, if this is what it means to live in live...and "fellowship" I suppose I can say it might just be worth losing my life over.
I still have so many doubts about being called and where I am being called or even if I can do anything right...but even with all my doubts...You believe in me.
Which is painful but I can't help but believe.
It goes beyond what I can choose to do and you love me.
Love me.
Love. Me.
After all the unintentional pain I have caused...been apart of...thank you for holding me, keeping me close and not letting me fade into the dark.
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