The thing is...I want to make you smile.
That is all.
I know it's silly to care so much about people's happiness...but I guess that is who I am.

A silly, silly person...with good intentions that rarely pan out the way they were intended.

But that is okay.
Failure isn't really enough to stop me.
I have to keep trying.
Even when the thoughts don't necessarily make sense.

Somehow, someway, grace has met me halfway.
At least if I try...I can try.
Just a smile.
And a try.
And a care.

Love, Love, Love

So strong, so painful
and everything I seek,
I run to and fro
aching and wanting,
just begging
being a beggar
needing Your love.

I hold out my hand
as the closed fist
to hurt
as much as I need,
taking everything I want
just because I can
and leaving,
leaving it all to chance.

Everything spinning,
everything breaking down
with all the pain
and all of the taste.

What can I say?
What can I do?
I'm just a beggar on the outside
needing love
and needing You.

Quote of the Day:

“If you've ever known the love of God, you know it's nothing but reckless and it's nothing but raging. Sometimes it hurts to be loved, and if it doesn't hurt it's probably not love, may be infatuation. I think a lot of American people are infatuated with God, but we don't really love Him, and they don't really let Him love them. Being loved by God is one of the most painful things in the world, it's also the only thing that can bring us salvation and it's like everything else that is really wonderful, there's a little bit of pain in it, little bit of hurt.”
-Rich Mullins

"This life has shown me how we're mended and how we're torn
How it's okay to be lonely as long as you're free
Sometimes my ground was stoney
And sometimes covered up with thorns
And only You could make it what it had to be
And now that it's done
Well, if they dressed me like a pauper
Or if they dined me like a prince
If they lay me with my fathers
Or if my ashes scatter on the wind
I don't care.

But when I leave I want to go out like Elijah
With a whirlwind to fuel my chariot of fire
And when I look back on the stars
Well, It'll be like a candlelight in Central Park
And it won't break my heart to say goodbye."

I really need to work on not letting small things get under my skin.
Already, I can think of a couple of things that will bother and upset me about this semester...but how are they my problem?

I can wash my face, take a deep breath and sip some tea...and be happy to feel alive.

I hope I can sleep a couple of more hours and go to church with my mom.

That would be nice.
No drama.
No stupid worry about things that do not matter.
Just enjoying my last day before driving back to school.

Even when bad things happen...I don't have to let that ruin everything.
Hmm...that is a skill I need to master...