I am getting frustrated with my vision going in and out of focus.
How am I supposed to do homework when the freaking words keep blurring into huge messes of inkblots?

Bah I hate medication side effects.
But...grace is still so sweet, so wonderful and beautiful...especially so in the pain.

"So now I'm stuck here
Between the guilty and the insincere
The words I spoke have left me here all alone
I should have known this
I never saw the backlash when the tide began to rise
I wish it all gone
I could've burned it when I had the choice
And now I'd die to kill the noise in my head

So I remember on the inside

I found a dark, infernal place I don't want to face anymore
Somehow, I won't stop feeding the pain
My heart's just the same as before

So I remember on the inside

If this is all the love my spirit can give
Just take it back tonight
There is not a reason more to live"

To a degree life would be so much easier if I could either switch off completely or turn on apathy as a state of being...it would be easier but so much more dull, trite and pointless.

I really would like to think I am doing the best I can to be friends and show love to everyone...everyone...which is one thing I decided this past week about putting forth effort to just be there...and try to mend broken ties.

Sometimes I am very unsure of people and their motivations...and words, words are so confusing even with given context. However I do pray...and hope for the best.

There is no simple solution...no magic to be found...except the magic that comes from sacrifice and caring more about others...

Ah...well ultimately I really don't know much...and just showing up and trying to be faithful is all I can do. What else is there?

...and there goes my ability to sleep for a bit.

Always more pain but not always enough pills...