"But if you can't close up all the gaps tonight
Put me to bed in your way
You see right through everything I am
For you my insides are displayed
Sing me to sleep my beautiful one
I will love only you for all time
Sing me to sleep my only one
With promises that you are all mine
Be still my heart, I hear your back cracking
It sounds like music to me
I see your face and I can hardly breath
It looks just like a song to me"
Friday, February 5, 2010
Late Night Pain Induced Ramblings
I have got to learn how to deal with stress better...it feels like I've been kicked right in the stomach...and just...God I need help...serious help.
I keep hearing about all these horrible and bad things happening to friends...and I feel powerless. I mean...when bad things happen to a friend that is Christian...I can relate and there is that common ground of "Oh yes, Jesus does love us and has our best interest at heart but life will still suck and horrible things will happen because somehow this is for some sort of greater good." but with my friends who aren't...I am always at a loss for words...I can't even hug them because of the distance...so it's just me wanting to cry while praying.
I know it's stupid...and so needlessly messianic of me...but I just wish I could take away all of their pain and show them the Love I have seen and felt...I am already hurting so why not add more pain to what I am going through? I sort am beginning to understand what Paul meant when he wrote about being willing to trade away his connection with God just so the rest of his 'family' could know.
I hate feeling like I'm simply proselytizing...because it is the difference between telling about love and showing love...and I wish my heart and life wasn't this black hole of contempt, bitterness and selfishness...so maybe I could get over myself and the fact I am in pain...and actually do something to help someone.
...I feel like I whine about this all the time...but...I just want to give love...because it's what I have been given.
I keep hearing about all these horrible and bad things happening to friends...and I feel powerless. I mean...when bad things happen to a friend that is Christian...I can relate and there is that common ground of "Oh yes, Jesus does love us and has our best interest at heart but life will still suck and horrible things will happen because somehow this is for some sort of greater good." but with my friends who aren't...I am always at a loss for words...I can't even hug them because of the distance...so it's just me wanting to cry while praying.
I know it's stupid...and so needlessly messianic of me...but I just wish I could take away all of their pain and show them the Love I have seen and felt...I am already hurting so why not add more pain to what I am going through? I sort am beginning to understand what Paul meant when he wrote about being willing to trade away his connection with God just so the rest of his 'family' could know.
I hate feeling like I'm simply proselytizing...because it is the difference between telling about love and showing love...and I wish my heart and life wasn't this black hole of contempt, bitterness and selfishness...so maybe I could get over myself and the fact I am in pain...and actually do something to help someone.
...I feel like I whine about this all the time...but...I just want to give love...because it's what I have been given.
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