So...plus five points for good thinking about how I could get studying done at the commons/cafe.
However minus several hundred points concerning the idea that there would actually be people here to socialize with.
Do kids these days not drink coffee or something?
Monday, January 11, 2010
Revised Song of Hope
Muse dear Muse
sing a song of roses and the kingdom,
of the sun giving life
and all that is yet to come.
Sing a new song full of hope
for the days passed
and for the measure yet to come
as the sea continues to crash
on the Western shore.
Remind us of the hope alleviating the fears
of the shadows racing across
as the Dark continues to fall.
Reminders of divisions failed
and the hope burning inside
as the heart chooses to beat again.
With Hope unstoppable,
Peace renewed
and Love undefinable
these words take form and fly
from lips to ear
with a gentle cry
and the expectation
of all to come.
Dear Muse sing
and sing again
as the Night comes
and beats against your wings.
Sing for the day to come,
the eternal Dawn
which will burn away every trace
of fear and distortion.
Hope is coming,
hold tight.
sing a song of roses and the kingdom,
of the sun giving life
and all that is yet to come.
Sing a new song full of hope
for the days passed
and for the measure yet to come
as the sea continues to crash
on the Western shore.
Remind us of the hope alleviating the fears
of the shadows racing across
as the Dark continues to fall.
Reminders of divisions failed
and the hope burning inside
as the heart chooses to beat again.
With Hope unstoppable,
Peace renewed
and Love undefinable
these words take form and fly
from lips to ear
with a gentle cry
and the expectation
of all to come.
Dear Muse sing
and sing again
as the Night comes
and beats against your wings.
Sing for the day to come,
the eternal Dawn
which will burn away every trace
of fear and distortion.
Hope is coming,
hold tight.
Quote of the Day:
“We shall not cease from exploration and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started... and know the place for the first time.”
-T.S. Eliot
-T.S. Eliot
Fooling, Foolish Inklings
Like the rest of this tune that has gone amiss, I'm feeling a bit out of place and out of sync with matter which I thought I knew for sure. But really it is my own fault for making assumptions about things as fickle and untrustworthy as humans, not that it is wrong to trust or fall or rise up for any of this but at the same time...
How much of it is with reason or point?
I try to make things work in my mind.
I'm good at making the illusions seem real.
Maybe I owe people some apologies but at the same time I suppose no one has a gun held to their head to where they are forced to talk to me. Getting around talking to me is so easy...I wish it was as easy as removing myself as a friend from facebook so I wouldn't have to deal with myself. I understand why people can get sick of dealing with me...because I am sick of dealing with me.
I hate how undependable I am, I can't stand how I break commitments based upon how my health is, I cannot stand how weak my resolve and heart are, I wish I was a better Christian, I wish I would stop complaining, stop being judgmental, I wish I could be a good little lamb and stop questioning and trying to fix the world...but here I am with all my flaws and aches and my pains.
None of you are ever under any obligation to stay.
You are invited to stay for the remainder of the show.
Just bear in mind that if you cut out earlier there will be no ticket refunds.
It's not possible to reboot or reset this mind, do a memory wipe or make everything equal out a certain way...welcome to being human and trying to deal with the fact no one is who you would like them to be and everyone is wishing you were different (at some level or another, various shades of shallowness do apply).
And...those who love me for who I am are just a handful.
The rest know me so little that they would not understand my complaint about them not understanding me at all.
The question is why are YOU here?
What did you come to see?
I don't have much right now and it looks like things are going to be the same for a while.
I feel like I'm plugging in the holes of a ship.
One thing gets better and another hole happens.
I am quite worried about my left shoulder and arm...my fibromyalgia is acting in ways I have yet to see before...it feels like I pulled a muscle or at least was hit by a baseball bat...but nothing happened to it. I just had the misfortune of waking up and now using my left arm or hand sends excruciating bolts of pain through my body.
What did I do to deserve that?
How is waking up a crime?
Stuff happens...just making a point to myself.
If by chance you pick up something along the way, splendid.
If not, no surprise here.
I am tired.
Tired of me and my words.
But I am stuck with them.
I envy you, who do not have to live with me.
You can shut me off, shut me down and do anything you want to drown out my voice and you are so lucky.
I wish I could sink to the level that some do in being able to shut their voice out but I can't.
There is no serious way I can drown the voices out.
I refuse to drink and although my pain levels would require any sane doctor to give me narcotics it is best I do not have them because I would be addicted to them in a heart beat.
So my body collides against my soul which hits this frigid stone of reality that makes my bones burn because of the cold.
Why?
Why can I not be like everyone else?
I didn't ask to be special enough to be a fool that has to care about everyone and scare people away because I do not understand certain aspects of basic interaction. If people do not want to share or communicate it is as easy as telling me to go away or just die...or something. I'm not sure what the proper social colloquialism these days.
I do not want to believe in love but I do.
I feel it and God it hurts.
I wish my heart would stop bleeding as it beats so I could catch my breath.
I hate feeling the pain of everyone I am around but I do.
Typically those who mean the most do not realize, do not believe or do not care and so the pain is amplified.
At least I have that handful of people who care.
I wish I could be content with that and just stop caring about the rest of the world.
I can't.
Even the things I hate and that hurt me...I can't stop thinking about or wanting to help.
The more I see, the more people I talk to the more exhausted I am.
Jesus, Jesus...Jesus.
Why?
I know I won't be getting an answer I like...but whatever way it goes...You know I am here and will be. No choice really...but there is love and not just mindless obligation.
Just give me the resources I need, the people so I do not go crazy...and please take the pain in my soul and body away so I can try to function.
Pleas.e
How much of it is with reason or point?
I try to make things work in my mind.
I'm good at making the illusions seem real.
Maybe I owe people some apologies but at the same time I suppose no one has a gun held to their head to where they are forced to talk to me. Getting around talking to me is so easy...I wish it was as easy as removing myself as a friend from facebook so I wouldn't have to deal with myself. I understand why people can get sick of dealing with me...because I am sick of dealing with me.
I hate how undependable I am, I can't stand how I break commitments based upon how my health is, I cannot stand how weak my resolve and heart are, I wish I was a better Christian, I wish I would stop complaining, stop being judgmental, I wish I could be a good little lamb and stop questioning and trying to fix the world...but here I am with all my flaws and aches and my pains.
None of you are ever under any obligation to stay.
You are invited to stay for the remainder of the show.
Just bear in mind that if you cut out earlier there will be no ticket refunds.
It's not possible to reboot or reset this mind, do a memory wipe or make everything equal out a certain way...welcome to being human and trying to deal with the fact no one is who you would like them to be and everyone is wishing you were different (at some level or another, various shades of shallowness do apply).
And...those who love me for who I am are just a handful.
The rest know me so little that they would not understand my complaint about them not understanding me at all.
The question is why are YOU here?
What did you come to see?
I don't have much right now and it looks like things are going to be the same for a while.
I feel like I'm plugging in the holes of a ship.
One thing gets better and another hole happens.
I am quite worried about my left shoulder and arm...my fibromyalgia is acting in ways I have yet to see before...it feels like I pulled a muscle or at least was hit by a baseball bat...but nothing happened to it. I just had the misfortune of waking up and now using my left arm or hand sends excruciating bolts of pain through my body.
What did I do to deserve that?
How is waking up a crime?
Stuff happens...just making a point to myself.
If by chance you pick up something along the way, splendid.
If not, no surprise here.
I am tired.
Tired of me and my words.
But I am stuck with them.
I envy you, who do not have to live with me.
You can shut me off, shut me down and do anything you want to drown out my voice and you are so lucky.
I wish I could sink to the level that some do in being able to shut their voice out but I can't.
There is no serious way I can drown the voices out.
I refuse to drink and although my pain levels would require any sane doctor to give me narcotics it is best I do not have them because I would be addicted to them in a heart beat.
So my body collides against my soul which hits this frigid stone of reality that makes my bones burn because of the cold.
Why?
Why can I not be like everyone else?
I didn't ask to be special enough to be a fool that has to care about everyone and scare people away because I do not understand certain aspects of basic interaction. If people do not want to share or communicate it is as easy as telling me to go away or just die...or something. I'm not sure what the proper social colloquialism these days.
I do not want to believe in love but I do.
I feel it and God it hurts.
I wish my heart would stop bleeding as it beats so I could catch my breath.
I hate feeling the pain of everyone I am around but I do.
Typically those who mean the most do not realize, do not believe or do not care and so the pain is amplified.
At least I have that handful of people who care.
I wish I could be content with that and just stop caring about the rest of the world.
I can't.
Even the things I hate and that hurt me...I can't stop thinking about or wanting to help.
The more I see, the more people I talk to the more exhausted I am.
Jesus, Jesus...Jesus.
Why?
I know I won't be getting an answer I like...but whatever way it goes...You know I am here and will be. No choice really...but there is love and not just mindless obligation.
Just give me the resources I need, the people so I do not go crazy...and please take the pain in my soul and body away so I can try to function.
Pleas.e
Reason
Reason, reasonably...
I hate how my thoughts, emotions, spirit, mind and body all just do there own thing...I hate the burning fire coursing through my body trying to take control of me.
I just wish this thing could die.
Never to rise again.
I hate how my thoughts, emotions, spirit, mind and body all just do there own thing...I hate the burning fire coursing through my body trying to take control of me.
I just wish this thing could die.
Never to rise again.
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