Pugs eating people? o_O

I KNEW there was a reason why I didn't like those animals...cats are so much superior to those treacherous canines...you at least know felines only want to use you for warmth and food...

http://www.wowt.com/news/headlines/79365732.html

Just one of those days spent waiting...

There are not words enough to voice my thoughts...to give justice to the multitude of questions, doubts, fears, hope, needs and shallow love I have to express to You, Lover of the Soul.

Everything I have hoped for...has it been in vain?
It feels so much that everything I have wanted has been the wrong thing, much less the wrong thing at the wrong time.

I'm a child who has lost his way and can't figure out my left hand from my right.

Why in the name of God would You want to trust me with taking the Gospel anywhere? I can't find my voice, I am so scared too...my shallow heart wants to have everyone love me and I am terrified of being hated.

I'm so sick from not feeling You my Love, I'm so sick and I need You more than I need anything in this life, in this world...everything is a cancer eating at me...I loose my sight and I cannot see...I cannot feel and I just feel like I am making a religious display that should just be burned away.

I need Truth, ergo I need You.
Nothing else, nothing else matters.
I will traverse this wasteland alone if it will please You.
I just...need You, can You understand that?
Need, desperate need where I ache so desperately for You.

Every relationship I have with people is going to die, everything I have ever loved is going to fade...and then what?

I feel like my soul is just full of garbage and lies...do I have anything beyond the base elements? Anything that is more substantial than...'maybe'? I have to equate love and faith as different sides of the same coin...I can't see either and I barely feel them in this cold night...

Paradox?

Is that what it boils down to...unreconciled contradictions that cause my heart and soul to endlessly ache?

The pain isn't in the emptiness...but that things have yet to be fulfilled...there is the hope and longing want that maybe...just maybe...this side of Eternity there will be...things might...just...

Jesus, You know how to make the word 'maybe' into such a loaded noun.

I'm not the kind of person who is okay not asking questions...if I didn't voice my doubt and fear...what shreds of sanity I have left would have jumped ship years ago...like it almost did back in college.

What now?
What next?
The more I read and the more I try to know...the less I understand and the less I know...give and take?

Just...help this, help me become something beautiful...

Quote of the Day:

"A fire broke out backstage in a theater. The clown came out to warn the public; they thought it was a joke and applauded. He repeated it; the acclaim was even greater. I think that's just how the world will come to an end: to the general applause of wits who believe it's a joke."
-Soren Kierkegaard