I'm such a foolish idiot.

Quote of the Day:

“All mortals tend to turn into the things they are pretending to be.”
-C.S. Lewis

Bleeding out the Pain

So much and so little
all in waves
and decrepit fallacies.

I purchased false notion
at the price of trust,
I feel my naivety
is returning
and is starting to bite at me.

Why do I entrust so much
to frail human hearts?
What masochistic part of me
refuses to allow me to cut off,
remove myself from this plague?

It's a struggle to maintain balance
and a fight to understand,
to process the why
and what is to come.
Why must hearts bleed
and everything
come by pain?

So tired,
so weak,
with nothing left
I simply coast on these waves
praying I find solace in solitude
and I can cut off every part of me
that ever was weak enough
to desire the need for others.

I would almost rather to in my ache
than to feel the razor blade of love
slicing deeper into my soul,
spilling my blood
and leaving nothing of me
as all drink their fill.

But surely I am being melodramatic,
it could not be so bad
to live
and be alive?
There is much to be grateful for
but oh so much I tire of.
I'm so sick of being a slave to others
and trusting their words
and their lies about caring.

I would rather this ocean
between my Love and me
be crossed
so I can find peace
and safety
from this temporal insanity.

I would rather forsake everything here
and never look back
then ever breath this air again
and feel the corrosion of my lungs.

How long much I ache,
much I cry,
much I long for
before I see You?

Nothing here is mine,
everything is dying
and I want nothing more.

The only prayer I have
is for freedom,
to feel the shackles of this sin
and this broken soul
broken so I can fly
and fly free to my Love.

No more pain
and no more shame,
just the unity
of the Loved with the Lover.

This heart causes me no end of drama and regret.
So much of me wishes I could just..wash it all away.
Cast is aside and start anew.
And never walk down this road again...

I hate my emotions...things feel too explosive for my own good...

I need to get away from everyone and everything.
I wish there was a place I could for for a few days to just recharge.

There will be no peace until that day...
It's so hard to just...press on.
You know?