Has all the internship stuff turned in! Woot!
*cue walking on sunshine and the happy dance*
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h1yUJx1zGeI
Monday, June 29, 2009
Foolish Inklings
Ministerial intent.
I have the internship stuff turned in...now it's just waiting to hear if I get accepted or not.
I'm slightly giddy.
I also haven't really slept in a while.
A good long while.
But any prayers would be accepted and desired because if this comes through it will be a life changing event...move across the country to Las Vegas and travel around the world life changing.
The word ministry is such a fickle word because so often is it divorced from any concept of actual reality. How can love be expressed in a set of steps and rules? How can love be love it is nothing more than a formula people regularly run through?
Real ministry involves being real, not hiding behind masks and actually coming clean that I am in fact a human...a human with the same tendency of failing, the same fears, the same needs as any other human.
That is scary. The idea of not being able to hide behind this shield...the false notion that it was okay to pretend everything was alright when it is not...that is contrary to the whole nature of the Gospel. Things are *not* okay...which is why we need a God that is so much bigger than our collective mistakes.
A personal, loving God obsessed with us...that thinks of us...cares about our every thought...our every second of every day...a God that is incomprehensible and yet personal in the same breath...
It is like any real relationship with love.
It is terrifying as much as it is exhilarating because it means risking everything...being willing to act a fool and look stupid. Being willing to give your life to something so much bigger then you could ever be on yourself.
I guess that is what this is...a love letter...a request for those as...crazy as me to pray and send any support they can spare.
""Here's another way to put it: You're here to be light, bringing out the God-colors in the world. God is not a secret to be kept. We're going public with this, as public as a city on a hill. If I make you light-bearers, you don't think I'm going to hide you under a bucket, do you? I'm putting you on a light stand. Now that I've put you there on a hilltop, on a light stand—shine! Keep open house; be generous with your lives. By opening up to others, you'll prompt people to open up with God, this generous Father in heaven.""
-Matthew 5:14-16
"It seems to me that God has put us who bear his Message on stage in a theater in which no one wants to buy a ticket. We're something everyone stands around and stares at, like an accident in the street. We're the Messiah's misfits. You might be sure of yourselves, but we live in the midst of frailties and uncertainties. You might be well-thought-of by others, but we're mostly kicked around. Much of the time we don't have enough to eat, we wear patched and threadbare clothes, we get doors slammed in our faces, and we pick up odd jobs anywhere we can to eke out a living. When they call us names, we say, "God bless you." When they spread rumors about us, we put in a good word for them. We're treated like garbage, potato peelings from the culture's kitchen. And it's not getting any better."
1 Corinthians 4:9-13
I have the internship stuff turned in...now it's just waiting to hear if I get accepted or not.
I'm slightly giddy.
I also haven't really slept in a while.
A good long while.
But any prayers would be accepted and desired because if this comes through it will be a life changing event...move across the country to Las Vegas and travel around the world life changing.
The word ministry is such a fickle word because so often is it divorced from any concept of actual reality. How can love be expressed in a set of steps and rules? How can love be love it is nothing more than a formula people regularly run through?
Real ministry involves being real, not hiding behind masks and actually coming clean that I am in fact a human...a human with the same tendency of failing, the same fears, the same needs as any other human.
That is scary. The idea of not being able to hide behind this shield...the false notion that it was okay to pretend everything was alright when it is not...that is contrary to the whole nature of the Gospel. Things are *not* okay...which is why we need a God that is so much bigger than our collective mistakes.
A personal, loving God obsessed with us...that thinks of us...cares about our every thought...our every second of every day...a God that is incomprehensible and yet personal in the same breath...
It is like any real relationship with love.
It is terrifying as much as it is exhilarating because it means risking everything...being willing to act a fool and look stupid. Being willing to give your life to something so much bigger then you could ever be on yourself.
I guess that is what this is...a love letter...a request for those as...crazy as me to pray and send any support they can spare.
""Here's another way to put it: You're here to be light, bringing out the God-colors in the world. God is not a secret to be kept. We're going public with this, as public as a city on a hill. If I make you light-bearers, you don't think I'm going to hide you under a bucket, do you? I'm putting you on a light stand. Now that I've put you there on a hilltop, on a light stand—shine! Keep open house; be generous with your lives. By opening up to others, you'll prompt people to open up with God, this generous Father in heaven.""
-Matthew 5:14-16
"It seems to me that God has put us who bear his Message on stage in a theater in which no one wants to buy a ticket. We're something everyone stands around and stares at, like an accident in the street. We're the Messiah's misfits. You might be sure of yourselves, but we live in the midst of frailties and uncertainties. You might be well-thought-of by others, but we're mostly kicked around. Much of the time we don't have enough to eat, we wear patched and threadbare clothes, we get doors slammed in our faces, and we pick up odd jobs anywhere we can to eke out a living. When they call us names, we say, "God bless you." When they spread rumors about us, we put in a good word for them. We're treated like garbage, potato peelings from the culture's kitchen. And it's not getting any better."
1 Corinthians 4:9-13
Doves For Hire
Here...in this music...I almost feel like the wings will burst from my back and I will be able to fly...to escape from the thorns that have been pinning me to the ground. That I can leave this decaying, sickly body behind and sore into light.
That there is grace enough for me...love enough to wash away my failures...my evil and the pain I have caused others. That there is more then just a light at the end of this tunnel...but that there is love...endless love and hope just a touch away....
I'm ready for what can be...I'm ready to shed this cynical shell and leave this lethargic heart behind...I want to see what can be...how these defects can be turned around and made to shine and bring hope.
Are these just arrogant assumptive lies?
Or is the truth so possible?
So real?
So near by that I can almost touch?
I need to speak...but my lips are swollen from hypocrisy...could You cleanse them again? Not so I will judge or spread this rancor hate...but to show love...to myself so I can know what it means to love.
Loving love.
I'm going to go crazy if I'm not able to share this.
That there is grace enough for me...love enough to wash away my failures...my evil and the pain I have caused others. That there is more then just a light at the end of this tunnel...but that there is love...endless love and hope just a touch away....
I'm ready for what can be...I'm ready to shed this cynical shell and leave this lethargic heart behind...I want to see what can be...how these defects can be turned around and made to shine and bring hope.
Are these just arrogant assumptive lies?
Or is the truth so possible?
So real?
So near by that I can almost touch?
I need to speak...but my lips are swollen from hypocrisy...could You cleanse them again? Not so I will judge or spread this rancor hate...but to show love...to myself so I can know what it means to love.
Loving love.
I'm going to go crazy if I'm not able to share this.
Water On the Soul
Oceans keep us apart,
waves rip your hand from mine
and fools dance about
singing their songs
being the unwanted jester
on an unwanted day.
These nails dig a route
hitting where they belong
touching where the pain festers
and I think just
just maybe,
I'm falling again.
Loosing step
being out of time with your heart
and in beat with the misstep
not knowing when
not knowing when this might end.
Knowing the distance
and the heart at the end of the line
just makes the day that much harder
knowing the more I long
the more I hunger
the more I pine
for these absolutes
for guidance and the sign
and how to sing this song
letting you know
this isn't a farce.
My words are false
a shade of pretentious hollow
matched only by Lucifer
but for once I see
I feel the shallow
the depth of my heart
the blinders
holding me as the cries
just echo
across fields
piercing dry eyes
and I yield
to the pressure.
Take me if You hear me,
hold me if You care.
Divinity is on Your side
and I'm at a slight disadvantage.
You see my despair
and the length of the chasm
where this all is.
waves rip your hand from mine
and fools dance about
singing their songs
being the unwanted jester
on an unwanted day.
These nails dig a route
hitting where they belong
touching where the pain festers
and I think just
just maybe,
I'm falling again.
Loosing step
being out of time with your heart
and in beat with the misstep
not knowing when
not knowing when this might end.
Knowing the distance
and the heart at the end of the line
just makes the day that much harder
knowing the more I long
the more I hunger
the more I pine
for these absolutes
for guidance and the sign
and how to sing this song
letting you know
this isn't a farce.
My words are false
a shade of pretentious hollow
matched only by Lucifer
but for once I see
I feel the shallow
the depth of my heart
the blinders
holding me as the cries
just echo
across fields
piercing dry eyes
and I yield
to the pressure.
Take me if You hear me,
hold me if You care.
Divinity is on Your side
and I'm at a slight disadvantage.
You see my despair
and the length of the chasm
where this all is.
"The Perfect Drug" - Nine Inch Nails
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l0s5UOVsMDg
I got my head but my head is unraveling
cant keep control can't keep track of where it's traveling
I got my heart but my heart's no good
you're the only one that's understood
I come along but I don't know where you're taking me
I shouldn't go but you're wrenching dragging shaking me
turn off the sun pull the stars from the sky
the more I give to you the more I die
and I want you
you are the perfect drug
the perfect drug
you make me hard when i'm all soft inside
I see the truth when i'm all stupid-eyed
the arrow goes straight through my heart
without you everything just falls apart
my blood just wants to say hello to you
my fear is warm to get inside of you
my soul is so afraid to realize
how every little bit is left of me
and I want you
you are the perfect drug
the perfect drug
take me with you
without you everything just falls apart
it's not as much fun to pick up the pieces
I got my head but my head is unraveling
cant keep control can't keep track of where it's traveling
I got my heart but my heart's no good
you're the only one that's understood
I come along but I don't know where you're taking me
I shouldn't go but you're wrenching dragging shaking me
turn off the sun pull the stars from the sky
the more I give to you the more I die
and I want you
you are the perfect drug
the perfect drug
you make me hard when i'm all soft inside
I see the truth when i'm all stupid-eyed
the arrow goes straight through my heart
without you everything just falls apart
my blood just wants to say hello to you
my fear is warm to get inside of you
my soul is so afraid to realize
how every little bit is left of me
and I want you
you are the perfect drug
the perfect drug
take me with you
without you everything just falls apart
it's not as much fun to pick up the pieces
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