The Dark Wind howls...

This is Still Here?

 Huh.

 This thing is still here.

 *Blows dust off of blog and then precedes to cough and hack., hack and cough, and any further combination of the two things.*

 Some days I wonder if the world would be better if I simply fade away into obscurity.

Other days I feel the pounding, the draw, and the need to not just Be but Create and Share and Ignite.

Someone once told me it was never too late to start moving in the right direction. Honestly, it has been so long since I felt a certainty about a certainty, but maybe the time is the time is right.

Maybe.

If nothing else I need to do some dusting...

For Who May Come and See

For God's sake, if you are leaving me a comment and want me to contact you, LEAVE MORE INFORMATION SO YOU CAN BE FOUND!

All the comments are moderated so information is protected and not posted. 

At the bloody least, make an account before you send the comment so I can attempt finding you and sending a message in someway or another.

Wondering and Wandering

I check here, rarely.

I used to post, frequently.

I struggle to make sense of comments left but never posted...

Hope and hoping but... so much has been in shade, never seeing light, maybe never even passing into life...

What was, what is, what is forever the now...

But, was it real?

Did you feel as I did?

Do I dare wonder and hope it might have been more... or truth?

I know to come back with any hope is foolish.

I dare dream, I dare wonder.

I know it's a fool's errand, yet I return.

I hope.

Rumors of Another World

Despite my body's best effort, I am someone still alive.

I wonder how you are.

I wonder if you are okay.

I wonder how often you smile at the everyday.

Of course, I wonder if you ever think of me.

Are there any good or happy thoughts?

Or is it just the worst parts of me?

Regardless, I wish you nothing but love and peace. You deserve only to be happy and to find daily joy.

Maybe, just maybe, I'll stop beating myself up.

But in reality, I doubt it can ever be that easy.

Life after Life After Death

 Long time no post.

I wonder if anyone still comes here...anyone wonder what happened to me.

The old me has died several times already.

There are many benefits to dying.

Life is more dark and broken than I ever knew as a child.

But there is also so much more Light.

I miss you all.

Please drop me a line.

Life without hope is not life - it is nothing but a poorly disguised farce.  

I have to wonder who, what, where, when and how?

Just give your Judas kiss and let us dance this dance already.

To see so many variables flitter about in possibility and see the lone singular arise as lone and cold...is curious and strangely comforting.

Hi enemy.

Please douse yourself in liberal amounts of my apathy and general ignoring 

And occasional rolled eyes and muttered prayer. 

Stars and Light

Oh

To see such a sea,

endless waves

an oceans of stars

burning so bright.

How i wish you could see

that we could join hands.

But alas,

some things

are not meant to be.

I miss having my Kitsune in my life...I hooe things reaolve and we can speak again soon.

A mile marker indicating I have not and refuse to yield and die.  

Past and Now

Why must so many memories persist?

Being here in Jacksonville is such a mixed bag.

Memories.

Beauty, pain, love, lies, betrayal... Reminders that humans are in fact human and the word Love is just a word.

We give words their meanings by their actions.

If my life is to have any worth I have to make that choice for myself and my God, is it excruciating

Why?

I am still looking.

I have refused to yield to the Reaper.

That may be my strongest words so far.

One day I will have more answers.

One day soon.

.

 

I gotta admit that I'm a little bit confused.
Sometimes it seems to me as if I'm just being used.
Gotta stay awake, gotta try and shake off this creeping malaise.
If I don't stand my own ground, how can I find my way out of this
maze?

Deaf, dumb, and blind, you just keep on pretending
That everyone's expendable and no-one has a real friend.
And it seems to you the thing to do would be to isolate the winner
And everything's done under the sun,
And you believe at heart, everyone's a killer.

I miss you.

So it seems cold affect Rhuemtoid Arthritis.

Ouchie.

New Year Soon

So close to a new year.

Will the change even matter?

I hope something does.

I have everything and nothing to say.

I think it may be the tears that I hate the most. 

Time and Nights

Time keeps progressing so much faster.

Sands twirling and falling,

being stirred by the unseen winds.

A chill.

Dark is coming.

Silence falling so absolute.

Hope remains.

But how long shall this frail body?

I've seen enough to see the signs

and know the Reackoning 

is near

oh so very Near.

Goodnight.

Thoughts for the Day

Life seems to increase in weird and strange by the day.

Balance is so...hard.

I know ideas of what healthy is, could and should be...but why, what and how?

Seeing what is good and becoming better is harder by the breath.

What mattered.... And what matters are two different world but I do know they are real.

I'm not sure about what thoughts and emotions are real but I do know matter itself is.

And if i am able to think myself into a hole that means I can climb out of it and find my way to a healthy place.

So in short...screw you fake reality!

I reject you and shall substitute my own.

Albeit more realistic and healthy.

Thank You

As much stress, illness, pain and confusion...it is a miracle I have survived.

Thank You Jesus for loving and taking care of me...especially when I have been so selfish and too scared to make any decision.

I hope things will continue to improve someway and somehow.

Merry Christmas

Not muh ican really say except that.

Merry Christmas.

So this is Christmas...